I really enjoy disciplining my children. I always thought that would be the worst part of parenting; however, I have quickly learned that it is a great privilege.
Obviously, I enjoy my children so much more when they are obedient, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I would take that over their disobedience, acting out, complete defiance, screaming, yelling, and crying any day. On the other hand, I find myself thankful every time I have a chance to discipline my children. I am thankful because it provides and endless amount of opportunities to bond, deepen our attachment, and most of all—teach them how to live and think in this world.
1) Children are born with a desire to follow every wish and desire that they have—which means their defiance or acting out is not a direct assault on who I am as a person. My children were born with every fiber in their body aching to meet their own desires and needs above anything else in this world. To treat my children as though, left to their own will, they should be anything but completely sinful is to act as though they are better then the gospel itself. When I have an opportunity to discipline them, I have a chance to teach them that they cannot follow their way and must submit to God’s way. Their disobedience is a wonderful opportunity to explain grace, mercy, justice…and most of all—the gospel. I’ve had such wonderful conversations with the kids during these “time out” talks.
2) I get to teach my children how to be adults. I often ask Niko to think about what would happen if he were an adult and made the same choice he just made…he often is able to describe the type of person he would grow up to be. He hit Mya out of anger once. I sat Niko down and asked him, “Do you see anyone in our family hit anyone else?” “No” he responds. “What would happen if you grew up and hit your friend, wife, or kid because you were angry?” Niko’s eyes got very wide and he seemed scared as he described that he would grow up to be a “bad guy” that hurt others. He hasn’t hit anyone since.
3) The price tag is much smaller when they are under my care. If my child chooses to throw a tantrum, act selfishly, complain needlessly, etc and I am still responsible for caring for them, then I get to walk through an incredible learning opportunity with them. As a parent, I can set up safe consequences. If they do not have an opportunity to learn with me as their teacher, then they will still be acting that way as an adult. The consequence will be much greater when they are a teenager or adult making negative or sinful choices then when they are a child.
4) The Bible doesn’t describe discipline as a negative thing, but something that a loving parent does to a child. When I am disciplining Niko and Mya, they often ask, “Do you love me?” I explain to them that it would mean I did not love them if I let them do whatever they wanted…because those actions would lead to a very bad, unhappy life. I tell them it is because I love them, that I need to teach them how to live and act.
Psalms 94:12 “Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law…”
Proverbs 29: 17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
5) I am able to touch their hearts. Parenting provides many, many opportunities for behavior modification, but this is not discipline. Changing my child’s behavior only gives the parent temporary relief from the child’s embarrassing behavior; however, it does nothing to impact the child’s belief systems about how they should relate to this world. Of course, there are times when I have no choice but to ensure that my child is practicing instant obedience and I need to make sure I get the correct “behavioral” response (For example: when I yell “stop” as she is about to dart into traffic), but the best part of parenting is being able to then instruct their hearts—to explain the “whys” and “how comes” and to paint a picture that looks different then the way they are currently viewing it.
So when you’re child is throwing a full on screaming, yelling, meltdown in the grocery store isle…I won’t think less of you (as long as you actually take the time to discipline your child, instead of trying to plead with them to behave or erupt violently because they are “embarrassing” you).
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Frustrating
Chris Brown just got an hour in the spot light for beating up his girlfriend.
Can you please explain to me how it is the year 2009 and a guy can get on national television and talk about beating his girlfriend as a “mistake?” A “mistake” is when I’m clumsy and drop a big can of soup on someone’s foot…leaving “visible marks” on your girlfriend is abuse and assault. How does someone get convicted of assault and only get 5 years probation?
The worst part is this guy gets in front of a camera and acts sorry and remorseful and people will still buy his next album. Somehow, our culture buys it. A guy can tell some sob story and we think it was just an “accident.” The men I know who aren’t abusive would never make a “mistake” like that. And if he really were sorry, he’d begin to admit that he is an abuser and is in desperate need of help.
Can you please explain to me how it is the year 2009 and a guy can get on national television and talk about beating his girlfriend as a “mistake?” A “mistake” is when I’m clumsy and drop a big can of soup on someone’s foot…leaving “visible marks” on your girlfriend is abuse and assault. How does someone get convicted of assault and only get 5 years probation?
The worst part is this guy gets in front of a camera and acts sorry and remorseful and people will still buy his next album. Somehow, our culture buys it. A guy can tell some sob story and we think it was just an “accident.” The men I know who aren’t abusive would never make a “mistake” like that. And if he really were sorry, he’d begin to admit that he is an abuser and is in desperate need of help.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Why Vermon and I Chose to Home School (this year)
I thought it might be a good idea to post why Vermon and I decided to home school Niko this year. Home schooling seems like such a controversial thing, especially within the church community. There are families who think it is the only way to go, families who think home schooling is a poor decision, and plenty who have never really thought about it. The last thing Vermon and I want is to be ammo for either side of the debate, but simply share why we made our choice. As children and families begin to become school age at Roosevelt, we know there will be great diversity in the types of education families choose--we just pray that we can all support and encourage each other to raise our children "in the love and instruction of the Lord."
Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:
1 At this point, it seems to be our only option that wouldn’t cause us to compromise other values. I want Niko to get the best education possible. Education is extremely important to Vermon and me and we want our kids to be ready to go to college when they graduate. The public/charter schools closest to our home had low test scores and were barely average and this wasn’t acceptable to Vermon and me. We found a few schools that seemed to be good in other districts, but we would have had to drive Niko 20 minutes away and it concerned us that this would limit our ability to get to know the families in our neighborhood. Many of those schools were also very lacking in minorities, which was also not something we wanted to compromise on.
We found a great school downtown that we could easily see sending our
children to; however, it starts in 3rd grade. So we may end up only home schooling for one year.
2)We want Niko to love learning. I am excited to be able to use the school day to creatively teach Niko how to love learning and discovering new things. My goal this year is to help him be an avid reader and greatly curious about the world he lives in. I think the time I will have with him all day will give me endless opportunities to make learning fun.
3)I want him to learn more then just what happened in western civilization. Schools seem to greatly lack multicultural education. Some curriculum and some teachers are better about this then others; however, we still have a long way to go. I am really looking forward to teaching Niko about the eastern world along with what was happening in Europe around the same time period.
4)To lay a foundation for discipleship and growth. I want to be 100% clear that I believe this is every parents calling, regardless of whether one chooses to home school or not. If I send Niko to a school next year, I will be just as responsible for his discipleship as I am this year. I am excited about the extra time I will have to teach him the word, learn about world missions, memorize scripture, etc, but even if he was in school all day—we would find time for this, even if it means giving up some extra curricular things he did.
5) I don’t expect my 7 year old to share Jesus with his 2nd grade friends. I don’t agree with the argument that children should be in public schools so their life can be a witness to others. They are 7…they are baby, baby Christians, if they have even made a decision to follow Christ at all. Just because they are being raised by a Christian family, doesn’t mean they have made a decision to be Christians and it certainly doesn’t mean they are mature enough to influence those around them. I think that argument is the “throw your kid into a lion’s den” argument. That being said, we do teach and talk with Niko often about being a light to others and boldly sharing his faith with others. I also don’t think public schools are necessarily the “lion’s den” either, but just think this is a weak argument for those against home schooling.
Not the Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:
1)To keep Niko in a Christian bubble. As stated above, I am not going to send my seven year old into the lion’s den; however, I also do not think it is healthy to try to ensure Niko is surrounded by Christians. Thankfully, Niko has a wonderful Christian community at Roosevelt and I am happy to have him spend endless amounts of time with my brothers and sisters who I pray influence and encourage Niko’s faith, but there are plenty of Christians to give Niko a healthy understanding of what life looks like following Christ. I don’t want every activity Niko is a part of to be filled with other Christian families…so outside of my family and my Roosevelt fam, I’m not joining any Christian home school clubs, Christian basketball clubs, etc. We’ll be hanging at the Y, chillin with our neighbors, playing at Grant Park, and maybe join the boy scouts. That opens the door for Niko to see us living and loving the world around us and for Niko to learn how to be light by being a part of constant outreach.
2)To keep Niko from learning about evolution and to ensure he knows we’re a Christian nation. We aren’t really worried about Niko learning about evolution or other things in school that we may disagree with. I strongly believe it is important to be very involved in your child’s education, so whatever he learns—I will be deeply involved in making sure he learns correctly. As for making sure he knows Christopher Columbus was a Christian—well, can’t say I am too proud of that fact since he slaughtered the Natives.
3)Because it’s the only and best way to raise our children. I just don’t believe this to be true. There are examples all around me of those who have home schooled and sent their kids to school. Both categories are filled with children and families I’d be happy to model myself after and families I’d be terrified to be like. Again, this isn’t a right or wrong, black or white, brainless decision.
4)Because whoever they spend their most time with, they will follow. I don’t think that if my child is in school all day that a teacher is going to shape them more then Vermon and I will shape them. Based on my experience as a child and Vermon’s experience—our values and beliefs were shaped by our family that raised us and our church family, not our teachers or our private/public school.
5) Because public schools are incapable of educating our son and will brain wash him. I just know too many kids in school and teachers who pour themselves into their classrooms to believe that Niko is going to fail miserably in life if we send him to school. Kids really do learn how to read in school and graduate and go to college—sometimes we demonize schools so much we forget that they can get a good education, with the right supplementation and support at home.
6)Because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not believe home schooling is for every parent (or every child). We choose to home school this year because it fits into our family’s ministry. Now, for some families, home schooling is their ministry—praise God for the gifts and passions he has given them, but this isn’t the case for our family (at this point). I love being a social worker, being involved in ministry at Roosevelt, and being a foster parent. Some things I am willing to give up, but some I have strong convictions that I am supposed to be a part of. Because of those convictions, if home schooling makes it too difficult to foster parent, then to school Niko goes. It isn’t that I’m not willing to make sacrifices (otherwise I wouldn’t be home schooling now), but because I feel God has called the entire Pierre family to some specific things above and before home schooling (every families calling is different).
Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:
1 At this point, it seems to be our only option that wouldn’t cause us to compromise other values. I want Niko to get the best education possible. Education is extremely important to Vermon and me and we want our kids to be ready to go to college when they graduate. The public/charter schools closest to our home had low test scores and were barely average and this wasn’t acceptable to Vermon and me. We found a few schools that seemed to be good in other districts, but we would have had to drive Niko 20 minutes away and it concerned us that this would limit our ability to get to know the families in our neighborhood. Many of those schools were also very lacking in minorities, which was also not something we wanted to compromise on.
We found a great school downtown that we could easily see sending our
children to; however, it starts in 3rd grade. So we may end up only home schooling for one year.
2)We want Niko to love learning. I am excited to be able to use the school day to creatively teach Niko how to love learning and discovering new things. My goal this year is to help him be an avid reader and greatly curious about the world he lives in. I think the time I will have with him all day will give me endless opportunities to make learning fun.
3)I want him to learn more then just what happened in western civilization. Schools seem to greatly lack multicultural education. Some curriculum and some teachers are better about this then others; however, we still have a long way to go. I am really looking forward to teaching Niko about the eastern world along with what was happening in Europe around the same time period.
4)To lay a foundation for discipleship and growth. I want to be 100% clear that I believe this is every parents calling, regardless of whether one chooses to home school or not. If I send Niko to a school next year, I will be just as responsible for his discipleship as I am this year. I am excited about the extra time I will have to teach him the word, learn about world missions, memorize scripture, etc, but even if he was in school all day—we would find time for this, even if it means giving up some extra curricular things he did.
5) I don’t expect my 7 year old to share Jesus with his 2nd grade friends. I don’t agree with the argument that children should be in public schools so their life can be a witness to others. They are 7…they are baby, baby Christians, if they have even made a decision to follow Christ at all. Just because they are being raised by a Christian family, doesn’t mean they have made a decision to be Christians and it certainly doesn’t mean they are mature enough to influence those around them. I think that argument is the “throw your kid into a lion’s den” argument. That being said, we do teach and talk with Niko often about being a light to others and boldly sharing his faith with others. I also don’t think public schools are necessarily the “lion’s den” either, but just think this is a weak argument for those against home schooling.
Not the Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:
1)To keep Niko in a Christian bubble. As stated above, I am not going to send my seven year old into the lion’s den; however, I also do not think it is healthy to try to ensure Niko is surrounded by Christians. Thankfully, Niko has a wonderful Christian community at Roosevelt and I am happy to have him spend endless amounts of time with my brothers and sisters who I pray influence and encourage Niko’s faith, but there are plenty of Christians to give Niko a healthy understanding of what life looks like following Christ. I don’t want every activity Niko is a part of to be filled with other Christian families…so outside of my family and my Roosevelt fam, I’m not joining any Christian home school clubs, Christian basketball clubs, etc. We’ll be hanging at the Y, chillin with our neighbors, playing at Grant Park, and maybe join the boy scouts. That opens the door for Niko to see us living and loving the world around us and for Niko to learn how to be light by being a part of constant outreach.
2)To keep Niko from learning about evolution and to ensure he knows we’re a Christian nation. We aren’t really worried about Niko learning about evolution or other things in school that we may disagree with. I strongly believe it is important to be very involved in your child’s education, so whatever he learns—I will be deeply involved in making sure he learns correctly. As for making sure he knows Christopher Columbus was a Christian—well, can’t say I am too proud of that fact since he slaughtered the Natives.
3)Because it’s the only and best way to raise our children. I just don’t believe this to be true. There are examples all around me of those who have home schooled and sent their kids to school. Both categories are filled with children and families I’d be happy to model myself after and families I’d be terrified to be like. Again, this isn’t a right or wrong, black or white, brainless decision.
4)Because whoever they spend their most time with, they will follow. I don’t think that if my child is in school all day that a teacher is going to shape them more then Vermon and I will shape them. Based on my experience as a child and Vermon’s experience—our values and beliefs were shaped by our family that raised us and our church family, not our teachers or our private/public school.
5) Because public schools are incapable of educating our son and will brain wash him. I just know too many kids in school and teachers who pour themselves into their classrooms to believe that Niko is going to fail miserably in life if we send him to school. Kids really do learn how to read in school and graduate and go to college—sometimes we demonize schools so much we forget that they can get a good education, with the right supplementation and support at home.
6)Because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not believe home schooling is for every parent (or every child). We choose to home school this year because it fits into our family’s ministry. Now, for some families, home schooling is their ministry—praise God for the gifts and passions he has given them, but this isn’t the case for our family (at this point). I love being a social worker, being involved in ministry at Roosevelt, and being a foster parent. Some things I am willing to give up, but some I have strong convictions that I am supposed to be a part of. Because of those convictions, if home schooling makes it too difficult to foster parent, then to school Niko goes. It isn’t that I’m not willing to make sacrifices (otherwise I wouldn’t be home schooling now), but because I feel God has called the entire Pierre family to some specific things above and before home schooling (every families calling is different).
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Joy of the Lord
I received some feedback and questions after my last post related to what happens when we read God's word/ pray out of obligation instead of relationship.
Reading God's word and spending time in prayer is meant to be a joy and a blessing! Not something we "have" to do, but something we delight in doing. For example, I delight in spending a night out with Vermon, discussing our passions and dreams--sure I "have" to do it to keep our marriage healthy, but it never feels as though I "have" to because I so deeply love him and receive so much joy from those times we have together. How much more with my Eternal Groom! I could approach it as something I “have” to do and then wallow in shame and guilt when I don’t, but if that is the approach we are taking to our relationship with the Lord…then there are some deeper things to fix. (Just like if spending time with Vermon ever becomes something I “have” to do, right along side paying bills and grocery shopping—Houston, we have a problem)
That being said, it is a problem that really does happen (both in relationship with humans and our Lord)—I’m not comparing a desire for my spouse with a desire for the Lord to make anyone feel guilty if they lack that desire or do not receive joy and fulfillment from their time with the Lord. I just want to paint a picture of how devastated a marriage would be if it were at that point and encourage you to view your spiritual state in the same way. When cultivating intimacy with the Lord becomes a chore (and there are times it will!), then we are in desperate need of spiritual repair. It isn’t something we can passively sit by and just “wait on the Lord” to return some desire to our hearts…we are bleeding out in the emergency room and are going to die without some immediate intervention.
So what happens when we don’t delight and find joy in the Lord…what happens when we wake up and realize that are relationship is in a devastated state?
1) Don’t let guilt and shame keep you from looking at the issue. Shame tells us to continue to keep our heads down looking at ourselves, wallowing in the pitiful excuse we are for Christians. The Gospel tells us to stop looking at ourselves and start looking to Christ. If you are crippled by guilt and shame then study grace and what that means. Shame does not and will not lead to holiness —God’s grace is that he took our shame and guilt upon himself and transformed it—that is what will lead us to holiness.
“For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Eph 2: 8-10
2) Repent of religion and irreligion. (I’m stealing this from Tim Keller…which he took from the Bible, so I guess it isn’t stealing ) Repent of your desire to be perfect and righteous for your own good, of your spiritual pride, of your idolization of religion, and of your desire to appear like a super star Christian. Repent also of the ways you have ignored God and made idols of worldly things in your life.
3) Remove all excuses from your vocabulary (see previous post), lean on your church community, carve out time daily…even if all you do during that time is pray for a desire to desire God. Know that the time you spend with the Lord is for His glory (not just for your own warm and fuzzies) and ask the Lord to help you delight in him. Read the Psalms, meditate on them, write them out, sing them...read Hosea and the other prophets and ask God to continue to reveal sin and grace. Faithfully pursue God and trust his promise to fill you with a deep joy as you delight in Him.
Romans 6:
“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace”
Reading God's word and spending time in prayer is meant to be a joy and a blessing! Not something we "have" to do, but something we delight in doing. For example, I delight in spending a night out with Vermon, discussing our passions and dreams--sure I "have" to do it to keep our marriage healthy, but it never feels as though I "have" to because I so deeply love him and receive so much joy from those times we have together. How much more with my Eternal Groom! I could approach it as something I “have” to do and then wallow in shame and guilt when I don’t, but if that is the approach we are taking to our relationship with the Lord…then there are some deeper things to fix. (Just like if spending time with Vermon ever becomes something I “have” to do, right along side paying bills and grocery shopping—Houston, we have a problem)
That being said, it is a problem that really does happen (both in relationship with humans and our Lord)—I’m not comparing a desire for my spouse with a desire for the Lord to make anyone feel guilty if they lack that desire or do not receive joy and fulfillment from their time with the Lord. I just want to paint a picture of how devastated a marriage would be if it were at that point and encourage you to view your spiritual state in the same way. When cultivating intimacy with the Lord becomes a chore (and there are times it will!), then we are in desperate need of spiritual repair. It isn’t something we can passively sit by and just “wait on the Lord” to return some desire to our hearts…we are bleeding out in the emergency room and are going to die without some immediate intervention.
So what happens when we don’t delight and find joy in the Lord…what happens when we wake up and realize that are relationship is in a devastated state?
1) Don’t let guilt and shame keep you from looking at the issue. Shame tells us to continue to keep our heads down looking at ourselves, wallowing in the pitiful excuse we are for Christians. The Gospel tells us to stop looking at ourselves and start looking to Christ. If you are crippled by guilt and shame then study grace and what that means. Shame does not and will not lead to holiness —God’s grace is that he took our shame and guilt upon himself and transformed it—that is what will lead us to holiness.
“For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Eph 2: 8-10
2) Repent of religion and irreligion. (I’m stealing this from Tim Keller…which he took from the Bible, so I guess it isn’t stealing ) Repent of your desire to be perfect and righteous for your own good, of your spiritual pride, of your idolization of religion, and of your desire to appear like a super star Christian. Repent also of the ways you have ignored God and made idols of worldly things in your life.
3) Remove all excuses from your vocabulary (see previous post), lean on your church community, carve out time daily…even if all you do during that time is pray for a desire to desire God. Know that the time you spend with the Lord is for His glory (not just for your own warm and fuzzies) and ask the Lord to help you delight in him. Read the Psalms, meditate on them, write them out, sing them...read Hosea and the other prophets and ask God to continue to reveal sin and grace. Faithfully pursue God and trust his promise to fill you with a deep joy as you delight in Him.
Romans 6:
“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace”
Monday, August 10, 2009
A Mother's Search for Time in the Word
I often hear from moms that it is so challenging to find time in the word and prayer. I also hear that from college students, singles early in their careers and professional development, newly weds, and middle-aged empty nesters. I know at every stage of my life, finding time in the word has been challenging and I know women at every stage of life who find the time and their speech, actions, and love are evident of women who are soaked in the Word of God.
I do have very, very fond memories of my single days and being able to spend hours, even an entire day studying God’s word. I definitely had more time at different seasons of my life, but even when I had the most time—I had seasons where I neglected time in prayer and time in the word. Time is something we all lack and distraction and noise constantly fight for our attention and affections. No matter how much “free time” one has, it is painfully easy to give in to your flesh and fill it with meaningless, flesh-gratifying things. It is even easy to fill that time with good things, but not the most important things.
Over the years of preparing to be a mother, I have heard very poor advice regarding early motherhood and being in the word. I have heard many people say things such as,
“it is important, but don’t feel guilty, it is a season of life. There will be a time again to spend more time in the word.”
“It is so hard, but there are practical things you can do…like write a verse on an index card and read that all week, over and over…at least that is something”
“God has called you to focus on your family and care for their needs right now…it is a season of life.”
My problem with all of that advice is it simply is not biblical. There are things about being a mother of young children that have their unique challenges in regards to time and energy, but the purpose of this season of your life is to bring glory to your God. Mother, professional, single, teenager, college student—you are a warrior in God’s army! And being a mother now increases the amount of people you are directly responsible for praying over and training up to be good soldiers. If anything, motherhood should drive us into the word and prayer more, not less.
If my kids grow up to tell stories about my dishes not always being done, or times that we all had to spend all day at a laundry mat because the laundry piled up, but they can remember me in the word, speaking the word, walking in the spirit, and on my knees—praise God! If my children grow up, remembering that we had to always cook frozen pizza or order Chinese food when company came over, because mom ran out of time to go grocery shopping or make an elaborate meal…but they remember being with me when I was praying with my sisters, deeply interceding before the Lord—Glory be to God! There are many practical, every day life skills that I need to teach my children, but their priority pales in comparison to making sure their mother is soaked in God’s word and deeply seeking the Lord in prayer.
Mothers are called to do far, far more then read one verse on an index card all week or to just chalk this to a “season of life.” Our first and foremost identity is that we are children of the Almighty God, we are daughters of our King, we are sisters of Jesus Christ! The more time we spend deep in the word, digging into theology, and praying to our father, the deeper Love we will have for our God. Deeper love for our God will directly lead to a deeper love for others, your family will benefit greatly from that increase in love.
It is only when our first love is the Lord and our priorities reflect it, that we can raise children in the love and instruction of the Lord.
But saying this and reading this is so much easier in principle then it is in practice. I fail often at making this my priority and I fear my children growing up with a mother that does not keep her eyes Jesus daily. It scares me to think of how often I parent out of my own wisdom and do not depend on the Lord for his wisdom, sustenance, and guidance.
These are just ideas of things that I have tried. I don’t do all of them every day or week, but daily I try to do something.
1) Use your Husband. If you have a husband, especially one that loves Jesus…one of his deepest desires for you and your marriage should be that you are growing in your relationship with the Lord. Be honest with him about what you need to prioritize this in your life.
a. Let him get the kids breakfast a few mornings a week while you read your bible or let him play with them after dinner or take them to the park so you have some time to read the word (not clean, do laundry, etc)
b. Plan Daddy Date Nights. Let your husband have one night a week (or month) that he comes home from work, cooks dinner (or reheats something if cooking it is too big of a stretch for him!), feeds the kids, has special daddy time, and puts them to bed. You can grab your Bible, a sandwich, a journal, some commentaries, and head to a local coffee shop for 3 or 4 hours of study. Not only is this great for your kids to have that time with their dad, but you need that time in the word! You can return the favor to your husband by encouraging him to escape from the house early on a Saturday morning or come home late one night from work…giving him several hours in the word.
c. After the kids go to bed, pray together, read from God’s word together (you can even do this while the other folds laundry), even if it is just the first 20 minutes after your kids fall asleep—get in the discipline of incorporating God’s word and prayer as a steady diet in your marriage. Ask your husband what he is reading in God’s word and what he is learning and then tell him what you are learning (even if he doesn’t ask). Use each other to hold one another accountable.
2) Go to McDonalds. Not that I am a big fan of their nutritious meals, but once a week…I bring Niko and Mya to McDonalds after lunch (or school) for an ice cream cone and let them play for an hour. That gives me a good hour to read. This isn’t good for uninterrupted, focused study…but it is a great time for reading more about a specific doctrine or theology. I have also found it to be a good time to work on scripture memory.
3) Quiet times. Niko is 7 and still has a “nap” time. I try at least 3 days a week to use that time to read and pray. This is prime time for "mom chores", so you really have to discipline yourself to use this time for prayer and study and fight the temptation to get things done on your "to-do" list. Just remember that time in the word is a priority to a clean house, laundry, and dinner...plus, if you are anything like me—it is much easier for you to talk yourself into neglecting some sleep to do some chores then it will be to stay up to read the word (our flesh is so weak!).
4) Use your church family. If it has been weeks since you have been in the word—you are in crisis and who most wants to support you then your sisters! Call some other moms in the church (call me!) and schedule a “play date.” One mom can play with all the kids (or take them to the park) while the other mom goes into a room and reads/prays for an hour…then you can switch. Ask your home group for help. Schedule times to pray with other women in the church. If you’re a single mom or have a husband who is not a believer…do all of the things I suggested for “Using your Husband” with church family. Let us be a church to you. Let us be the Body to you. Confess any pride that holds you back from asking your sisters for help!
5) Full time work and full time mothering is exhausting, even if you feel called to what you do and love your job. I found it difficult to find time to take a shower, never mind time to read the Bible and pray. If you have a commute, use your drive to pray...have an index with an outline of things to pray for and pray out loud your entire drive. Skip the time it takes to stop at Starbucks, get to work 30 minutes early and read in your car. Read during your lunch break. Honestly, none of that really worked for me (but I know others who do it)--I just had to sacrifice sleep and try to carve out extra time on the weekends for solitude.
6) Include your kids. My favorite thing to do after breakfast is go back in bed and read my Bible and pray. I tell Niko and Mya that this is very special time with God and it is important for every Christian to have time in the word. I invite Niko and Mya to lay in bed with me, but only as long as they want to sit and read with me. I set my alarm for an hour and tell them they can interrupt me when the hour is up. Niko and Mya get their bibles and both spend 10-20 minutes reading their bibles quietly (or looking at the pictures)…and then they quietly go off to their room to play together or by themselves. When the hour is up, they excitingly bounce into my room with a long list of what they want to play with me. (I also read a book by Noel Piper where she suggested getting the Bible on tape for your pre-readers to listen to…I want to try this for Mya)
Anyone else have things that have worked for them? Please share!
I do have very, very fond memories of my single days and being able to spend hours, even an entire day studying God’s word. I definitely had more time at different seasons of my life, but even when I had the most time—I had seasons where I neglected time in prayer and time in the word. Time is something we all lack and distraction and noise constantly fight for our attention and affections. No matter how much “free time” one has, it is painfully easy to give in to your flesh and fill it with meaningless, flesh-gratifying things. It is even easy to fill that time with good things, but not the most important things.
Over the years of preparing to be a mother, I have heard very poor advice regarding early motherhood and being in the word. I have heard many people say things such as,
“it is important, but don’t feel guilty, it is a season of life. There will be a time again to spend more time in the word.”
“It is so hard, but there are practical things you can do…like write a verse on an index card and read that all week, over and over…at least that is something”
“God has called you to focus on your family and care for their needs right now…it is a season of life.”
My problem with all of that advice is it simply is not biblical. There are things about being a mother of young children that have their unique challenges in regards to time and energy, but the purpose of this season of your life is to bring glory to your God. Mother, professional, single, teenager, college student—you are a warrior in God’s army! And being a mother now increases the amount of people you are directly responsible for praying over and training up to be good soldiers. If anything, motherhood should drive us into the word and prayer more, not less.
If my kids grow up to tell stories about my dishes not always being done, or times that we all had to spend all day at a laundry mat because the laundry piled up, but they can remember me in the word, speaking the word, walking in the spirit, and on my knees—praise God! If my children grow up, remembering that we had to always cook frozen pizza or order Chinese food when company came over, because mom ran out of time to go grocery shopping or make an elaborate meal…but they remember being with me when I was praying with my sisters, deeply interceding before the Lord—Glory be to God! There are many practical, every day life skills that I need to teach my children, but their priority pales in comparison to making sure their mother is soaked in God’s word and deeply seeking the Lord in prayer.
Mothers are called to do far, far more then read one verse on an index card all week or to just chalk this to a “season of life.” Our first and foremost identity is that we are children of the Almighty God, we are daughters of our King, we are sisters of Jesus Christ! The more time we spend deep in the word, digging into theology, and praying to our father, the deeper Love we will have for our God. Deeper love for our God will directly lead to a deeper love for others, your family will benefit greatly from that increase in love.
It is only when our first love is the Lord and our priorities reflect it, that we can raise children in the love and instruction of the Lord.
But saying this and reading this is so much easier in principle then it is in practice. I fail often at making this my priority and I fear my children growing up with a mother that does not keep her eyes Jesus daily. It scares me to think of how often I parent out of my own wisdom and do not depend on the Lord for his wisdom, sustenance, and guidance.
These are just ideas of things that I have tried. I don’t do all of them every day or week, but daily I try to do something.
1) Use your Husband. If you have a husband, especially one that loves Jesus…one of his deepest desires for you and your marriage should be that you are growing in your relationship with the Lord. Be honest with him about what you need to prioritize this in your life.
a. Let him get the kids breakfast a few mornings a week while you read your bible or let him play with them after dinner or take them to the park so you have some time to read the word (not clean, do laundry, etc)
b. Plan Daddy Date Nights. Let your husband have one night a week (or month) that he comes home from work, cooks dinner (or reheats something if cooking it is too big of a stretch for him!), feeds the kids, has special daddy time, and puts them to bed. You can grab your Bible, a sandwich, a journal, some commentaries, and head to a local coffee shop for 3 or 4 hours of study. Not only is this great for your kids to have that time with their dad, but you need that time in the word! You can return the favor to your husband by encouraging him to escape from the house early on a Saturday morning or come home late one night from work…giving him several hours in the word.
c. After the kids go to bed, pray together, read from God’s word together (you can even do this while the other folds laundry), even if it is just the first 20 minutes after your kids fall asleep—get in the discipline of incorporating God’s word and prayer as a steady diet in your marriage. Ask your husband what he is reading in God’s word and what he is learning and then tell him what you are learning (even if he doesn’t ask). Use each other to hold one another accountable.
2) Go to McDonalds. Not that I am a big fan of their nutritious meals, but once a week…I bring Niko and Mya to McDonalds after lunch (or school) for an ice cream cone and let them play for an hour. That gives me a good hour to read. This isn’t good for uninterrupted, focused study…but it is a great time for reading more about a specific doctrine or theology. I have also found it to be a good time to work on scripture memory.
3) Quiet times. Niko is 7 and still has a “nap” time. I try at least 3 days a week to use that time to read and pray. This is prime time for "mom chores", so you really have to discipline yourself to use this time for prayer and study and fight the temptation to get things done on your "to-do" list. Just remember that time in the word is a priority to a clean house, laundry, and dinner...plus, if you are anything like me—it is much easier for you to talk yourself into neglecting some sleep to do some chores then it will be to stay up to read the word (our flesh is so weak!).
4) Use your church family. If it has been weeks since you have been in the word—you are in crisis and who most wants to support you then your sisters! Call some other moms in the church (call me!) and schedule a “play date.” One mom can play with all the kids (or take them to the park) while the other mom goes into a room and reads/prays for an hour…then you can switch. Ask your home group for help. Schedule times to pray with other women in the church. If you’re a single mom or have a husband who is not a believer…do all of the things I suggested for “Using your Husband” with church family. Let us be a church to you. Let us be the Body to you. Confess any pride that holds you back from asking your sisters for help!
5) Full time work and full time mothering is exhausting, even if you feel called to what you do and love your job. I found it difficult to find time to take a shower, never mind time to read the Bible and pray. If you have a commute, use your drive to pray...have an index with an outline of things to pray for and pray out loud your entire drive. Skip the time it takes to stop at Starbucks, get to work 30 minutes early and read in your car. Read during your lunch break. Honestly, none of that really worked for me (but I know others who do it)--I just had to sacrifice sleep and try to carve out extra time on the weekends for solitude.
6) Include your kids. My favorite thing to do after breakfast is go back in bed and read my Bible and pray. I tell Niko and Mya that this is very special time with God and it is important for every Christian to have time in the word. I invite Niko and Mya to lay in bed with me, but only as long as they want to sit and read with me. I set my alarm for an hour and tell them they can interrupt me when the hour is up. Niko and Mya get their bibles and both spend 10-20 minutes reading their bibles quietly (or looking at the pictures)…and then they quietly go off to their room to play together or by themselves. When the hour is up, they excitingly bounce into my room with a long list of what they want to play with me. (I also read a book by Noel Piper where she suggested getting the Bible on tape for your pre-readers to listen to…I want to try this for Mya)
Anyone else have things that have worked for them? Please share!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
my favorite new name
I have been a mom for a little over three months and it has been such a life changing experience. I was reflecting today on what the Lord has done in the lives of our children since we first met them and I couldn't help but praise God for how powerfully he has revealed his love to me though my little girl and little boy.
Anyone who has met Mya, our four year old, becomes instantly aware that she has a strong and wonderful personality. She loves being the center of attention, loves making people laugh, and loves saying things that you would hear out of the mouth of a teenager.
After living with us every weekend for three months, Mya and Niko moved in full time at the beginning of April. We told them when we first began taking care of them on the weekends, that we were going to become their new mommy and daddy, but we never told them what to call us. Since we had such a long/strange "in-transition" stage where we weren't their parents, but were trying to be...we figured they were confused and when the dust settled, would instinctively know what to call us.
Niko and Mya instantly called Vermon "daddy." It was so precious to hear and I loved seeing Vermon's big smile every time they heard it...it didn't go so quickly with me. I figured, with their history, it would take longer to start calling me "mom," but knew it would happen. Even though I was slightly jealous of Vermon, I figured, even mother of infants don't get to hear themselves called mom for almost a year--and even then, for some reason, "da da" is among babies first words.
The journey of becoming "Mommy" went something like this...
Mya would be having a tantrum and I would be disciplining her, explaining her sin and hard heart and her need for Jesus. "You'll NNNNNEEEEEEVVVVVEEEERRR be my mommy!" She would scream at the top of her lungs.
Later in the day, Vermon would home, "Daddy!" and then she'd look over at me and stick her hand on her hip and say, "he's my daddy! You're not my mommy!"
Other times we would be playing dolls or with stuffed animals and she would "make-believe" I was her mommy...and giggle or laugh every time she called me it, but made sure to tell me it was just a game. She wanted to test it out, but wasn't ready to commit.
"Dennae" she would say, "yes, daughter" "You can be my mommy yesterday (she mixes up yesterday and tomorrow)" I would gently explain that I already am her mommy, just like God wants to be our father, whether we realize it or not.
Our entire first month and a half was like this. I knew Mya desperately wanted a mommy, she longed to call me mommy and longed to belong to me. She would desperately want me to hold her, but would resist asking me with every bone in her body. I could see the turmoil within her.
Then, on Mother's Day, Mya started calling me "Mommy" and instantly began acting like I was her mommy. The transformation in her heart was beautiful. Vermon and I often say, that she has become more beautiful in the last few months...as she realizes this is forever, as she realizes she belongs to someone, as she learns her new identity as a "Pierre", she smiles more and more.
Now...only two months later, I can't even go into the bathroom without Mya wanting to follow me in. Several times a day, Mya runs up to me, kisses me, and says, "You're the best Mommy in the WHOLE world." When she's in time out, now she argues, "But Mommy, I need you to be with me. But Mommy, I won't be able to see you!"
I love hearing Niko and Mya call me "mommy". I can't hear it enough. I never thought I would like the sound so much. It has been such a lesson in how I pray to the Lord. How overjoyed God must be to hear his little children call him "Abba (daddy)" Father.
Anyone who has met Mya, our four year old, becomes instantly aware that she has a strong and wonderful personality. She loves being the center of attention, loves making people laugh, and loves saying things that you would hear out of the mouth of a teenager.
After living with us every weekend for three months, Mya and Niko moved in full time at the beginning of April. We told them when we first began taking care of them on the weekends, that we were going to become their new mommy and daddy, but we never told them what to call us. Since we had such a long/strange "in-transition" stage where we weren't their parents, but were trying to be...we figured they were confused and when the dust settled, would instinctively know what to call us.
Niko and Mya instantly called Vermon "daddy." It was so precious to hear and I loved seeing Vermon's big smile every time they heard it...it didn't go so quickly with me. I figured, with their history, it would take longer to start calling me "mom," but knew it would happen. Even though I was slightly jealous of Vermon, I figured, even mother of infants don't get to hear themselves called mom for almost a year--and even then, for some reason, "da da" is among babies first words.
The journey of becoming "Mommy" went something like this...
Mya would be having a tantrum and I would be disciplining her, explaining her sin and hard heart and her need for Jesus. "You'll NNNNNEEEEEEVVVVVEEEERRR be my mommy!" She would scream at the top of her lungs.
Later in the day, Vermon would home, "Daddy!" and then she'd look over at me and stick her hand on her hip and say, "he's my daddy! You're not my mommy!"
Other times we would be playing dolls or with stuffed animals and she would "make-believe" I was her mommy...and giggle or laugh every time she called me it, but made sure to tell me it was just a game. She wanted to test it out, but wasn't ready to commit.
"Dennae" she would say, "yes, daughter" "You can be my mommy yesterday (she mixes up yesterday and tomorrow)" I would gently explain that I already am her mommy, just like God wants to be our father, whether we realize it or not.
Our entire first month and a half was like this. I knew Mya desperately wanted a mommy, she longed to call me mommy and longed to belong to me. She would desperately want me to hold her, but would resist asking me with every bone in her body. I could see the turmoil within her.
Then, on Mother's Day, Mya started calling me "Mommy" and instantly began acting like I was her mommy. The transformation in her heart was beautiful. Vermon and I often say, that she has become more beautiful in the last few months...as she realizes this is forever, as she realizes she belongs to someone, as she learns her new identity as a "Pierre", she smiles more and more.
Now...only two months later, I can't even go into the bathroom without Mya wanting to follow me in. Several times a day, Mya runs up to me, kisses me, and says, "You're the best Mommy in the WHOLE world." When she's in time out, now she argues, "But Mommy, I need you to be with me. But Mommy, I won't be able to see you!"
I love hearing Niko and Mya call me "mommy". I can't hear it enough. I never thought I would like the sound so much. It has been such a lesson in how I pray to the Lord. How overjoyed God must be to hear his little children call him "Abba (daddy)" Father.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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