Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 3

 All Things New


    Last week we talked about where you came from and who you were before your adoption in Christ. It was not a pretty picture. Now let's look at who you are in your new adopted family. Please take some time to read these passages in the context they were written in.



1.  Because of adoption, you were given a new life

 Ezekiel 11: 19-20:  “And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God”

Ephesians 2:  “And you WERE dead…BUT GOD…made us alive together in Christ…”

You were dead, but God made you alive.  He gave you a new life at great personal cost to himself. Because of Christ’s death and resurrection, you are no longer a child of the enemy.  You are now a child of God.  You are no longer enslaved to death.  You are now alive. When you hear the word “adoption” your first thought should be: life.

2.  
    2.  Because of adoption, you were given a new identity

Galatians 4: “…you WERE enslaved to the elementary principles of the world.” but we were redeemed “…so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his son into our hearts crying, “Abba! Father! So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.”

There are many other places in the NT that talk about how we are “no longer” slaves (Hebrews 2, Romans 6 & 8, Galatians 5) instead we are seen as sons and daughters of God! We were dirty, worthless, and had nothing to offer. We were not desirable.  Yet God adopted us and because of our adoption we now share in the inheritance of Christ! We are clothed in righteousness instead of sin.  We are beloved children instead of rebellious enemies. Our identity is now: Christ.  

3. 3. Because of adoption, you were given a new purpose

     
  Read 2 Corinthians 5: 16-21. The most quoted/known part of this passage is verse 17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation the old has passed away; behold the new has come.”  Take some time to read the context of this passage. We are told that because we are a new creation we are now given the ministry of reconciliation.  How beautiful! We are adopted into a family that has a purpose, a reason for existing. We were not just pardoned for our sin, but we were assigned the same purpose that God himself has for creation! We get to participate in his plan to redeem people to himself from every tribe, tongue, and nation.  This is only because of adoption. We could have been justified and sanctified without then being adopted by God, but because of adoption, we now share in Christ’s inheritance and purpose. Because we are sons and daughters of God we are duty bound to fulfill the ministry we have been called to.

How should our understanding of these truths influence the way we speak and think about us adopting children?

There are dozens of parallels, but a few stand out to me:

1.          You got a new name, so should they.  Despite what the world and psychologist may say, there is nothing wrong with it and name changing is a biblical concept.  You have a new name because you are now a new creation, so do not feel guilty about renaming your child.  There is something significant and meaningful about picking your child’s name. Since the beginning of time (Adam, Abraham,Isaac, Israel, etc) being assigned a name was important. You do not HAVE to give a new first name (We didn’t with Mya, but did with Marcel), but then at least assign a very meaningful middle name.  It is a powerful way to relate to your child since you both have new identities and new names, all because you were both adopted.  Marcel Vermon Pierre. Mya Hope Pierre. Judah Justice Pierre. I love to talk with Marcel and Mya (and someday Judah) about why we picked those names and how excited I am to also have a new name because of what Christ did for me!

2.       You should never fear that you are not equipped to help your child work through whatever comes up as a result of their past.  IF you understand who you were before Christ and who you are now that God has adopted you into his family THROUGH Christ, then EVERYTHING your child goes through you can personally relate to.  Every time Marcel speaks to me about his hurt or pain, his eyes light up when I share a story that mirrors his—only I speak of it through a spiritual lens. Your child was abused physically by a biological parent? You were abused spiritually by the devil. Your child was treated like dirt? You were a slave to dirt. Your child has uncommon fear?  You were owned by fear. Your child worries about being unlovable. You were unlovable. 
    My children have yet to share something with me that I could not relate to. Empathizing with their pain has been healing for my children and has knit us into a family. Our conversations always end with Marcel saying how thankful he is for having such a good God who loves him. 
 

3.         Too often I hear of women, unable to have children, desperate to be a mother, longing to begin the adoption process, yet their husbands refuse to adopt.  These men claim to be Christian, yet are unable to see a child they adopt as their own child.  Mother’s Day comes and goes each year and they allow their wives to remain barren, while God has given them a beautiful means to bear children through adoption. 
    Of course there is still great pain, loss, and heartache to work through when women cannot conceive, but that pain is different then the pain of being childless for life. That is a pain that is much deeper and greater. A pain no woman should have to go through for life against her will. It also does not compare to the pain of children being parentless. Also a pain that no child should have to face, but many do because too many Christians do not adopt.
    A husband who is struggling to joyfully pursue adoption when his wife desperately wants to be a mother should seek councel from a pastor and ask the Holy Spirit to open their eyes to this gospel truth. Their minds need to be transformed and renewed by God’s word in relation to this truth.

I am convinced that Christians do not adopt because they do not understand their adoption biblically.  And to not understand the theology of adoption is to miss the heart of the gospel.  I pray that our churches would be full of men and women who come before God full of awe and wonder that he would adopt them.  I pray that the theology of adoption would so captivate our hearts that we are undone before our Lord and can’t help but look for ways to adopt children or support families who are positioned to adopt. I hope our churches are one day full of families begging for the chance to adopt a child that is in need of a family. This would so beautifully reflect what has already happened in heaven.

Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 2

Whose Your Daddy?

If you are a Christian, then you are adopted by God. Have you ever stopped to think about who your biological father is?

The Devil. Yes, the devil is your birth father. An evil, abusive father whom you were enslaved to.

Check out these verses and look how Scripture talks about the unbeliever:

Acts 14:4-12

1 John 3:1-10

Hebrews 2:14-18

My point here is NOT to compare bio family to Satan. My point is that it is important for YOU to understand who your biological family was. You were born a slave to sin. Your thoughts, actions, and words were full of deceit, selfishness, lust, greed, and pride. When God looked at you, all he saw was a man or woman in total rebellion to him, partnering with Satan gearing up to plot an attack against himself and everything that is good, righteous, and holy.

1 Corinthians 6:11 lists a long list of terrible, wicked things and then says to the believers in the church, “and so were some of you!”

The moment you water down who you were before Christ, if you forget how wicked and unholy you really were, then the gospel begins to slip through your fingers. It is only in understanding how wicked you really were, how deserving of death and destruction you were, that you can begin to worship and praise God for his great grace in your life. If you truly believe that you deserved God’s wrath and judgment for your sin and that there was NOTHING you could do to earn his favor, NOTHING you could do to make yourself right in his eyes, then you can really accept that it is ONLY through Christ the God becoming man, suffering the punishment of our sins, that you are now a child of God.

You are not just forgiven. You are not just pardoned. That would have been gracious of God to stop there. But he didn’t. He then adopted you and made you his child. He became your father, your “Abba.” (Hebrew word for daddy)

SO, how does this relate to how we think and speak of adoption?

IF you understand your adoption by God and who your biological family was, then these words should not come out of your mouth (all of which I have heard too many times from Christian families):

“I have considered adoption, but what if the gene to be abusive/drug addicted/ alcohol addicted is in the baby I adopt? That would be too hard for me.”

“I’m afraid I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t [biologically] mine or a child that doesn’t look like me.”

“My child has all these attachment issues and it isn’t my fault…” (then the person usually goes on to explain all the issues that happened in the first few years of their life) side note: I have never met a child with special needs whose biological parent takes the time to explain biologically why their child has down syndrome, ADHD, and sensory problems.

“God just didn’t give me a heart for adoption.”

“We have no choice but to ship off our teen [who was adopted at birth] to some camp a few states away because they are causing too many problems, but it isn’t how we parented them—its because of their birth family’s issues…” another side note: I know several families who have had to send their biological children to similar places they sometimes take responsibility for what they did or simply say, “I have no idea why they ended up this way” they don’t blame it on something from their past.

“My child is disobedient, disrespectful, etc, because they were adopted. We’re just going to love them through it.”

Let’s pretend for a minute that God spoke the same way about us. Here is what he would say (fill your name in blank):

“_________is disobedient, disrespectful, etc, because they used to be a son of the devil. It’s ok though, I understand and will just ignore it and love him through it.”

Please understand that I am not trying to minimize some issues that your child may have as a result of abuse or trauma. I know it is real. When I was a social worker, I worked with hundreds of children who had very real struggles because of evil things that were done to them. A parent watching their child suffer over past hurts and wounds has real, deep pain. I weep over it as many adoptive parents do.

What I am trying to do is encourage us to stop speaking so negatively about children who are adopted as permanently wounded soldiers and to encourage you to reject false assumptions that a child you adopt will never be the same as a child you birth.

It is not true for us and our biological father was more evil and abusive then anything we could imagine. We were brainwashed, enslaved to the price of darkness…

BUT GOD…

Meditate on Ephesians 2:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 1

Vermon and I are often asked how it is that our children were able to attach so quickly to our family. People also comment on how “lucky” we are that our children do not have any attachment disorders.

It would be dishonest to say that the relationship we have with Marcel and Mya now is the same that it was a year and a half ago. It did take time to attach and there were difficult moments, tears shed, and much prayer; however, all in all, our path of becoming a close family unit has been smooth, full of blessing, and fun.

I do not dismiss the fact that there are children who have attachment disorders, RAD, and issues related to drug exposure that may make the attachment process take longer. I also do not claim to be an expert on parenting or that we have done everything right. I am brought to tears as I think and praise the Lord for his GREAT grace in knitting our family together in the way that he has in such a short period of time. However, I do believe that the single best advice I can give to ANY parent who wants to know how to attach with their child whom they have adopted is to FIRST and FOREMOST understand YOUR adoption. If you do not understand YOUR ADOPTION by God through Christ Jesus then

do not adopt.

Yes, I said it. Do not adopt children unless you have first and foremost begun to think, meditate, study God’s word, and pray about the theology of YOUR ADOPTION by God. Many of the horror stories that the media portrays about adoption (or your friends tell you) come from the adoptive families not fully understanding God’s adoption of his people.

Over the next few posts I would like to explore different aspects of OUR ADOPTION by God and look at how the theology of adoption should then shape our thoughts about our family, our family values, and how we think and speak about our children.

Resources for Teaching Your Kids God's Word

I love teaching and reading to my kids and my favorite topic to teach them about is the Bible. God's word was such an anchor for me during my childhood and my dad's consistent, faithful teaching of scripture helped to ground me through many difficult seasons.

I want God’s word filling the hearts and minds of Marcel, Mya, and Judah. I know that scripture contains pages and pages of guidance on wise living. I know that they will find deep joy as they learn who God is through understanding what scripture has to say about him. Most importantly, I know that they can travel through 6000 (+ or -) years of human history as they discover God’s great plan to save a people to himself through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

In the last year and a half of having the wonderful privilege of being a mom…we’ve collected some great books and CD’s that our kids beg us to read or listen to (and we find them quite enjoyable too!) Some of them we have read so many times, Mya can finish the sentences or say them verbatim. Often, Marcel is able to tell us what scripture has to say about a particular issue. I feel so blessed to have the money to spend on books and to live in a country and time in history where they are so readily available!

So if I could give every parent a selection from our children’s library…here are my favorite picks:

#1) The Jesus Storybook Bible

Age level: all ages

This is the best children’s Bible out there. Unfortunately, so much of children’s bible stories moralize Christianity and make the hero and point of the story someone other then God (but that is another blog post for another time). Every story in the Jesus Storybook Bible points toward the overall theme of scripture that Jesus is coming to rescue us from ourselves and it is all a part of God’s great plan. The art is wonderful and creative too.

#2) The Jesus Storybook Bible: Audio CD

The man who reads the Jesus Storybook Bible does such a great job and the kids eat it up. They love to draw pictures of Bible stories while listening to him read the stories. It

#2) Big Truths for Little Kids: Teaching Your Children to Live For God

Age level: preschool-5th grade

We do this with our devotions every morning while eating breakfast. It often leads to great conversations as we drive to school. The book rewords a traditional catechism into kid-language and each story teaches the children about 5 or 6 of the 104 questions. The kids are motivated to memorize all the questions and answers because we don’t read the next story until they have memorized the other questions.

#3) Genesis: A Commentary for Children

Age level: 3rd grade-adult

Marcel and I are currently studying Genesis together and this commentary is a wonderful resource! The author knows how to write for children. Her words are beautiful, descriptive, and biblically accurate. It has been a fun way to introduce tools (like commentaries) for Bible study to Marcel. There are also commentaries for Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy—but we have not gotten to those yet.

#4) Seeds Family Worship Audio CDs

Age level: preschool-3rd grade

These songs get stuck in my head and the tunes aren’t the hippest, but the words are strait up scripture and what better repetitive children’s music to have stuck in your head then scripture? Our children really enjoy them and it has been fun to talk with them about the scripture they are memorizing means.

#5) The ESV Illustrated Family Bible

Age level: 3rd grade reading level

When Marcel first began to excel in reading this Bible was a great way to get him in the habit of having daily quiet times with the Lord. It picks 270 important passages of scripture and adds some great illustrations. Marcel read through it about 3 times and spent just as much time reading the passages of scripture as he did staring at the details of the drawings. We felt it was important to introduce him to an adult version of the Bible and get him used to the vocabulary that he would not see in a children’s Bible. He often had to stop to ask me to explain different words he was reading, but never had a hard time understanding the basic storyline. He has recently decided to “move on” to a full adult Bible for his quiet times, but I think this was an important transition to understand that what we are reading in children’s Bibles are versions of the Bible stories…but not the actual words of the Bible themselves.

5 Ways My Dad Fathered Me To Love Jesus--#2

2. He took me on regular dates, starting at a young age.

Starting at a very young age, my father took me on regular dates. I always looked forward to these times and it became part of my normal routine. My dad would use these times to ask great questions about what I was thinking and my life. It wasn’t unusual for him to ask me about what guys I was interested in, difficult things that were happening at school, or how I felt about a particular punishment I may have received earlier that week. Because it was so “business as usual” to discuss these things, it was never awkward or strange. As I got into the high school stage—my dad didn’t even have to ask these questions anymore. He became the first person that I wanted to talk about important things with and I often sought him out to talk to before talking with friends my age.

My father also took every opportunity to spend time with me (apart from our formal “dates”). If I had a messy room to clean up, he’d often sit on a chair in my room and talk with me while I cleaned it. If I had laundry to fold, he would often sit and fold with me so that we could talk. Even as I got older and moved out of the house (pre-marriage), I could always count on calling my dad up late at night to see if he was up for hanging out with my while I shopped at Wal-Mart at 10pm or went to the laundry mat.

All of this gave him a platform to speak God’s truth into my life. Because I trusted him so much with my thoughts as my young mind was developing and trying to figure out what my worldview would be—he was able to be the primary person to help shape and guide my view of the world. I never felt a desire to rebel against him, because he took so much time to understand and know why I was thinking a specific way. I was protected from much heart ache in dating relationships, drugs, and alcohol because I knew at some point, I always ended up telling my dad about poor choices I made—and there were certain things that I never wanted to have to explain to him.

5 Ways My Dad Fathered Me To Love Jesus--#1

1.He was home for dinner, every night.

I know my dad worked a lot when I was young. He started two different businesses and I am told he worked 60+ hours a week. He often was awake at 5 in the morning to start his day and would work until late in the evening. Even in all this, my father always prioritized spending time with my sister and me. He was always home for dinner. I have vivid memories of him coming home every night (the highlight of our day!) and eating dinner with us. After dinner, he’d spend time wrestling, playing, getting us ready for bed, read us stories, pray with us…and then the best part—tucked us in at night.

Now that I’m a parent, this time that we had with my dad was probably an hour and a half, maybe two hours. I think he would be home by 6 and we would be in bed between 7:30 and 8:00. Sometimes, he had to go back to work or finish work. Thinking about it, an hour-two hours a day isn’t really a lot of time for a father to spend with his children, especially if you think about how much time children spend with teachers, friends, etc. But even though I may have spent less time with my father then with other influences in my life, my father was able to be the most influential voice in my life because of the consistency and complete attention he gave us daily.

My dad never went "out with the guys", hung out at bars to watch sports, met friends for drinks/cigars during those times that he could be home with us (maybe he occasionally did it after we went to bed). Any men’s ministry activities he was a part of (and he was always involved other men’s lives) took place on Saturday mornings or before work. He took us everywhere he went on the weekends and whatever he was doing, we went along. If it was ministry, we went. If it was spending time with friends, we were there too. If it was a bible study, we could bring a backpack of quiet toys to play with at his feet while he participated or led it. Even times he had to work at his office on weekends, he’d bring sleeping bags, movies, and lunch and we’d get to “camp out” under his desk while he finished things up.

This wasn’t just when I was older, but I know he started this when I was very young. I know he made time with us a priority long before my memories were capable of remembering. I know this time he spent was the basis for which I was able to trust him so much as I got older and which opened the doors for him to shepherd me throughout my childhood.

Next post: 2: He initiated reading scripture, asking spiritual questions, and holding me accountable

The Joys of Disciplining Children

I really enjoy disciplining my children. I always thought that would be the worst part of parenting; however, I have quickly learned that it is a great privilege.

Obviously, I enjoy my children so much more when they are obedient, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I would take that over their disobedience, acting out, complete defiance, screaming, yelling, and crying any day. On the other hand, I find myself thankful every time I have a chance to discipline my children. I am thankful because it provides and endless amount of opportunities to bond, deepen our attachment, and most of all—teach them how to live and think in this world.

1) Children are born with a desire to follow every wish and desire that they have—which means their defiance or acting out is not a direct assault on who I am as a person. My children were born with every fiber in their body aching to meet their own desires and needs above anything else in this world. To treat my children as though, left to their own will, they should be anything but completely sinful is to act as though they are better then the gospel itself. When I have an opportunity to discipline them, I have a chance to teach them that they cannot follow their way and must submit to God’s way. Their disobedience is a wonderful opportunity to explain grace, mercy, justice…and most of all—the gospel. I’ve had such wonderful conversations with the kids during these “time out” talks.

2) I get to teach my children how to be adults. I often ask Niko to think about what would happen if he were an adult and made the same choice he just made…he often is able to describe the type of person he would grow up to be. He hit Mya out of anger once. I sat Niko down and asked him, “Do you see anyone in our family hit anyone else?” “No” he responds. “What would happen if you grew up and hit your friend, wife, or kid because you were angry?” Niko’s eyes got very wide and he seemed scared as he described that he would grow up to be a “bad guy” that hurt others. He hasn’t hit anyone since.

3) The price tag is much smaller when they are under my care. If my child chooses to throw a tantrum, act selfishly, complain needlessly, etc and I am still responsible for caring for them, then I get to walk through an incredible learning opportunity with them. As a parent, I can set up safe consequences. If they do not have an opportunity to learn with me as their teacher, then they will still be acting that way as an adult. The consequence will be much greater when they are a teenager or adult making negative or sinful choices then when they are a child.

4) The Bible doesn’t describe discipline as a negative thing, but something that a loving parent does to a child. When I am disciplining Niko and Mya, they often ask, “Do you love me?” I explain to them that it would mean I did not love them if I let them do whatever they wanted…because those actions would lead to a very bad, unhappy life. I tell them it is because I love them, that I need to teach them how to live and act.

Psalms 94:12 “Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law…”

Proverbs 29: 17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”

5) I am able to touch their hearts. Parenting provides many, many opportunities for behavior modification, but this is not discipline. Changing my child’s behavior only gives the parent temporary relief from the child’s embarrassing behavior; however, it does nothing to impact the child’s belief systems about how they should relate to this world. Of course, there are times when I have no choice but to ensure that my child is practicing instant obedience and I need to make sure I get the correct “behavioral” response (For example: when I yell “stop” as she is about to dart into traffic), but the best part of parenting is being able to then instruct their hearts—to explain the “whys” and “how comes” and to paint a picture that looks different then the way they are currently viewing it.

So when you’re child is throwing a full on screaming, yelling, meltdown in the grocery store isle…I won’t think less of you (as long as you actually take the time to discipline your child, instead of trying to plead with them to behave or erupt violently because they are “embarrassing” you).

Why Vermon and I Chose to Home School (this year)

I thought it might be a good idea to post why Vermon and I decided to home school Niko this year. Home schooling seems like such a controversial thing, especially within the church community. There are families who think it is the only way to go, families who think home schooling is a poor decision, and plenty who have never really thought about it. The last thing Vermon and I want is to be ammo for either side of the debate, but simply share why we made our choice. As children and families begin to become school age at Roosevelt, we know there will be great diversity in the types of education families choose--we just pray that we can all support and encourage each other to raise our children "in the love and instruction of the Lord."

Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:

1 At this point, it seems to be our only option that wouldn’t cause us to compromise other values. I want Niko to get the best education possible. Education is extremely important to Vermon and me and we want our kids to be ready to go to college when they graduate. The public/charter schools closest to our home had low test scores and were barely average and this wasn’t acceptable to Vermon and me. We found a few schools that seemed to be good in other districts, but we would have had to drive Niko 20 minutes away and it concerned us that this would limit our ability to get to know the families in our neighborhood. Many of those schools were also very lacking in minorities, which was also not something we wanted to compromise on.
We found a great school downtown that we could easily see sending our
children to; however, it starts in 3rd grade. So we may end up only home schooling for one year.

2)We want Niko to love learning. I am excited to be able to use the school day to creatively teach Niko how to love learning and discovering new things. My goal this year is to help him be an avid reader and greatly curious about the world he lives in. I think the time I will have with him all day will give me endless opportunities to make learning fun.

3)I want him to learn more then just what happened in western civilization. Schools seem to greatly lack multicultural education. Some curriculum and some teachers are better about this then others; however, we still have a long way to go. I am really looking forward to teaching Niko about the eastern world along with what was happening in Europe around the same time period.

4)To lay a foundation for discipleship and growth. I want to be 100% clear that I believe this is every parents calling, regardless of whether one chooses to home school or not. If I send Niko to a school next year, I will be just as responsible for his discipleship as I am this year. I am excited about the extra time I will have to teach him the word, learn about world missions, memorize scripture, etc, but even if he was in school all day—we would find time for this, even if it means giving up some extra curricular things he did.

5) I don’t expect my 7 year old to share Jesus with his 2nd grade friends. I don’t agree with the argument that children should be in public schools so their life can be a witness to others. They are 7…they are baby, baby Christians, if they have even made a decision to follow Christ at all. Just because they are being raised by a Christian family, doesn’t mean they have made a decision to be Christians and it certainly doesn’t mean they are mature enough to influence those around them. I think that argument is the “throw your kid into a lion’s den” argument. That being said, we do teach and talk with Niko often about being a light to others and boldly sharing his faith with others. I also don’t think public schools are necessarily the “lion’s den” either, but just think this is a weak argument for those against home schooling.

Not the Reasons Why We’re Home Schooling:


1)To keep Niko in a Christian bubble. As stated above, I am not going to send my seven year old into the lion’s den; however, I also do not think it is healthy to try to ensure Niko is surrounded by Christians. Thankfully, Niko has a wonderful Christian community at Roosevelt and I am happy to have him spend endless amounts of time with my brothers and sisters who I pray influence and encourage Niko’s faith, but there are plenty of Christians to give Niko a healthy understanding of what life looks like following Christ. I don’t want every activity Niko is a part of to be filled with other Christian families…so outside of my family and my Roosevelt fam, I’m not joining any Christian home school clubs, Christian basketball clubs, etc. We’ll be hanging at the Y, chillin with our neighbors, playing at Grant Park, and maybe join the boy scouts. That opens the door for Niko to see us living and loving the world around us and for Niko to learn how to be light by being a part of constant outreach.

2)To keep Niko from learning about evolution and to ensure he knows we’re a Christian nation. We aren’t really worried about Niko learning about evolution or other things in school that we may disagree with. I strongly believe it is important to be very involved in your child’s education, so whatever he learns—I will be deeply involved in making sure he learns correctly. As for making sure he knows Christopher Columbus was a Christian—well, can’t say I am too proud of that fact since he slaughtered the Natives.

3)Because it’s the only and best way to raise our children. I just don’t believe this to be true. There are examples all around me of those who have home schooled and sent their kids to school. Both categories are filled with children and families I’d be happy to model myself after and families I’d be terrified to be like. Again, this isn’t a right or wrong, black or white, brainless decision.

4)Because whoever they spend their most time with, they will follow. I don’t think that if my child is in school all day that a teacher is going to shape them more then Vermon and I will shape them. Based on my experience as a child and Vermon’s experience—our values and beliefs were shaped by our family that raised us and our church family, not our teachers or our private/public school.

5) Because public schools are incapable of educating our son and will brain wash him. I just know too many kids in school and teachers who pour themselves into their classrooms to believe that Niko is going to fail miserably in life if we send him to school. Kids really do learn how to read in school and graduate and go to college—sometimes we demonize schools so much we forget that they can get a good education, with the right supplementation and support at home.

6)Because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not believe home schooling is for every parent (or every child). We choose to home school this year because it fits into our family’s ministry. Now, for some families, home schooling is their ministry—praise God for the gifts and passions he has given them, but this isn’t the case for our family (at this point). I love being a social worker, being involved in ministry at Roosevelt, and being a foster parent. Some things I am willing to give up, but some I have strong convictions that I am supposed to be a part of. Because of those convictions, if home schooling makes it too difficult to foster parent, then to school Niko goes. It isn’t that I’m not willing to make sacrifices (otherwise I wouldn’t be home schooling now), but because I feel God has called the entire Pierre family to some specific things above and before home schooling (every families calling is different).

A Mother's Search for Time in the Word

I often hear from moms that it is so challenging to find time in the word and prayer. I also hear that from college students, singles early in their careers and professional development, newly weds, and middle-aged empty nesters. I know at every stage of my life, finding time in the word has been challenging and I know women at every stage of life who find the time and their speech, actions, and love are evident of women who are soaked in the Word of God.

I do have very, very fond memories of my single days and being able to spend hours, even an entire day studying God’s word. I definitely had more time at different seasons of my life, but even when I had the most time—I had seasons where I neglected time in prayer and time in the word. Time is something we all lack and distraction and noise constantly fight for our attention and affections. No matter how much “free time” one has, it is painfully easy to give in to your flesh and fill it with meaningless, flesh-gratifying things. It is even easy to fill that time with good things, but not the most important things.

Over the years of preparing to be a mother, I have heard very poor advice regarding early motherhood and being in the word. I have heard many people say things such as,

“it is important, but don’t feel guilty, it is a season of life. There will be a time again to spend more time in the word.”

“It is so hard, but there are practical things you can do…like write a verse on an index card and read that all week, over and over…at least that is something”

“God has called you to focus on your family and care for their needs right now…it is a season of life.”

My problem with all of that advice is it simply is not biblical. There are things about being a mother of young children that have their unique challenges in regards to time and energy, but the purpose of this season of your life is to bring glory to your God. Mother, professional, single, teenager, college student—you are a warrior in God’s army! And being a mother now increases the amount of people you are directly responsible for praying over and training up to be good soldiers. If anything, motherhood should drive us into the word and prayer more, not less.

If my kids grow up to tell stories about my dishes not always being done, or times that we all had to spend all day at a laundry mat because the laundry piled up, but they can remember me in the word, speaking the word, walking in the spirit, and on my knees—praise God! If my children grow up, remembering that we had to always cook frozen pizza or order Chinese food when company came over, because mom ran out of time to go grocery shopping or make an elaborate meal…but they remember being with me when I was praying with my sisters, deeply interceding before the Lord—Glory be to God! There are many practical, every day life skills that I need to teach my children, but their priority pales in comparison to making sure their mother is soaked in God’s word and deeply seeking the Lord in prayer.

Mothers are called to do far, far more then read one verse on an index card all week or to just chalk this to a “season of life.” Our first and foremost identity is that we are children of the Almighty God, we are daughters of our King, we are sisters of Jesus Christ! The more time we spend deep in the word, digging into theology, and praying to our father, the deeper Love we will have for our God. Deeper love for our God will directly lead to a deeper love for others, your family will benefit greatly from that increase in love.

It is only when our first love is the Lord and our priorities reflect it, that we can raise children in the love and instruction of the Lord.

But saying this and reading this is so much easier in principle then it is in practice. I fail often at making this my priority and I fear my children growing up with a mother that does not keep her eyes Jesus daily. It scares me to think of how often I parent out of my own wisdom and do not depend on the Lord for his wisdom, sustenance, and guidance.

These are just ideas of things that I have tried. I don’t do all of them every day or week, but daily I try to do something.


1) Use your Husband. If you have a husband, especially one that loves Jesus…one of his deepest desires for you and your marriage should be that you are growing in your relationship with the Lord. Be honest with him about what you need to prioritize this in your life.

a. Let him get the kids breakfast a few mornings a week while you read your bible or let him play with them after dinner or take them to the park so you have some time to read the word (not clean, do laundry, etc)

b. Plan Daddy Date Nights. Let your husband have one night a week (or month) that he comes home from work, cooks dinner (or reheats something if cooking it is too big of a stretch for him!), feeds the kids, has special daddy time, and puts them to bed. You can grab your Bible, a sandwich, a journal, some commentaries, and head to a local coffee shop for 3 or 4 hours of study. Not only is this great for your kids to have that time with their dad, but you need that time in the word! You can return the favor to your husband by encouraging him to escape from the house early on a Saturday morning or come home late one night from work…giving him several hours in the word.

c. After the kids go to bed, pray together, read from God’s word together (you can even do this while the other folds laundry), even if it is just the first 20 minutes after your kids fall asleep—get in the discipline of incorporating God’s word and prayer as a steady diet in your marriage. Ask your husband what he is reading in God’s word and what he is learning and then tell him what you are learning (even if he doesn’t ask). Use each other to hold one another accountable.

2) Go to McDonalds. Not that I am a big fan of their nutritious meals, but once a week…I bring Niko and Mya to McDonalds after lunch (or school) for an ice cream cone and let them play for an hour. That gives me a good hour to read. This isn’t good for uninterrupted, focused study…but it is a great time for reading more about a specific doctrine or theology. I have also found it to be a good time to work on scripture memory.

3) Quiet times. Niko is 7 and still has a “nap” time. I try at least 3 days a week to use that time to read and pray. This is prime time for "mom chores", so you really have to discipline yourself to use this time for prayer and study and fight the temptation to get things done on your "to-do" list. Just remember that time in the word is a priority to a clean house, laundry, and dinner...plus, if you are anything like me—it is much easier for you to talk yourself into neglecting some sleep to do some chores then it will be to stay up to read the word (our flesh is so weak!).

4) Use your church family. If it has been weeks since you have been in the word—you are in crisis and who most wants to support you then your sisters! Call some other moms in the church (call me!) and schedule a “play date.” One mom can play with all the kids (or take them to the park) while the other mom goes into a room and reads/prays for an hour…then you can switch. Ask your home group for help. Schedule times to pray with other women in the church. If you’re a single mom or have a husband who is not a believer…do all of the things I suggested for “Using your Husband” with church family. Let us be a church to you. Let us be the Body to you. Confess any pride that holds you back from asking your sisters for help!

5) Full time work and full time mothering is exhausting, even if you feel called to what you do and love your job. I found it difficult to find time to take a shower, never mind time to read the Bible and pray. If you have a commute, use your drive to pray...have an index with an outline of things to pray for and pray out loud your entire drive. Skip the time it takes to stop at Starbucks, get to work 30 minutes early and read in your car. Read during your lunch break. Honestly, none of that really worked for me (but I know others who do it)--I just had to sacrifice sleep and try to carve out extra time on the weekends for solitude.

6) Include your kids. My favorite thing to do after breakfast is go back in bed and read my Bible and pray. I tell Niko and Mya that this is very special time with God and it is important for every Christian to have time in the word. I invite Niko and Mya to lay in bed with me, but only as long as they want to sit and read with me. I set my alarm for an hour and tell them they can interrupt me when the hour is up. Niko and Mya get their bibles and both spend 10-20 minutes reading their bibles quietly (or looking at the pictures)…and then they quietly go off to their room to play together or by themselves. When the hour is up, they excitingly bounce into my room with a long list of what they want to play with me. (I also read a book by Noel Piper where she suggested getting the Bible on tape for your pre-readers to listen to…I want to try this for Mya)

Anyone else have things that have worked for them? Please share!