A Dead Life…part one

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived, in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.” (Ephesians 1)

Death is a powerful word.

When death is encountered, all of your senses are engaged. There is an overwhelming stench to death. There is an unmistakable look to death. There is a unique taste to death. There are distinct sounds to death . There is a chilling touch to death.

To some, death is an end; to others, death is the beginning. I know those who live in fear of death and I know those who celebrate death, but I know no one who anticipates the death of their beloved friend or mate. I know no one that longs for death to consume the life of the child they tuck into bed at night.

Whenever I read that first phrase in Ephesians 2, I pause, and think about my life before Christ. I was dead. I used to walk down a path seeped with death.

We were dead. Think of the seeming contradiction in that first sentence of Ephesians 2. “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked.” Here Paul is stating that each of us were dead, yet we were able to walk in sin and trespasses. I think of a meth user. Her entire family can look at the sunken eyes, the body wasting away, the clammy skin, the red-shot eyes and mourn the deathly path she walks. The road she travels is killing her. In many ways—she is already dead. Dead to feeling, dead to emotion, dead to reason, dead to the needs of those who rely on her.

As you watch that documentary of the meth user you realize, this is simply a physical example of who you were spiritually. You walked down that road, dead. The sin that you were entrenched in suffocated you. No, you were not the most evil being you could be, but you were not holy, not pure, not able to breathe the goodness of God and drink the living water you so desperately needed to LIVE.

The world is set on a certain course…a course directly opposite of where God is heading. James 4: 4 boldly says, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

But when you are following the course of the world, you do not think of yourself as an enemy of God. Part of following the world is deceiving others without hesitation and gladly being deceived yourselves. We allow ourselves to feel justified in our pride, selfishness, desire to control and manipulate, lack of integrity, desire to act on our passions and desires. It is easy to justify when we are following a mass of people who are heading in the same direction as we are. How can we be wrong when everyone else says it is right? Yes, we are adulterous people. Friendship with the world is enmity with God.

I can hear the passion in Paul’s voice as he says, “among whom we all once lived!” We cannot just watch that drug addict wasting away into nothing feeling detached because it is something we would never fall to. No, it is precisely the depravity of this world that eats away at our soul quicker the methamphetamine does to the body of a meth addict. Before we look at these “poor helpless souls” that need our pity, we need to be broken and humbled that this is who we were! We ALL once lived as though we were dead. We were dead because our sins choked our lives, the passions of our flesh consumed us, we carried out the desires of the body and the mind without regard to the consequences to those we loved, and we were by nature children of wrath (our nature was a nature that was in opposition and rebellion to a loving, gracious, and holy God).

We need to be present with the evilness in which we all were consumed. There is a difference between a recovering alcoholic reaching out to another broken alcoholic to show them the path to healing and light and the PhD clinician trying to medicate the alcoholic. Let us not be the second in our approach to mankind. Let us look at the depravity that was rotting away the depths of our hearts and souls and rejoice that we can now live a life of abundance. Let us not be detached from those who are dead, but let us smell, taste, see, hear, and feel the pain that consumes the lives of those who are walking dead in their sins. Let us examine our own relationships, thoughts, motives, beliefs, actions and be sensitive to any sign of death eating away at our souls.

I don't want to be a cool christian...

I don’t want to be a cool Christian; just to prove to the world that I am not a psycho fundamentalist.

I don’t want to wear the Abercrombie jeans, holding my Starbucks cup, with the trendy jewelry and hair; just to prove that I am relevant, current, and hip.

I don’t want to hand a few bucks to the homeless guy, just to relieve my guilt.

I don’t want to hang out with the Hindu, the Buddhist, the Muslim, or the Mormon; just to enlighten each other with the similarities in our faith.

I don’t want to change my look, language, or values; just to prove I am not a sexist, racist, heterosexualist, or religionist.

I don’t want to be a democrat so I can fit in with my generation and I don’t want to be a republican just to beat the drum of sanctity of life.

I don’t want to read one more angry Christian book that tears the church up and down; just to prove that I think the church is a waste and out-dated like other 20-somethings.

I want to be a Christian. A Christ-follower. A disciple that follows in his steps.

I want to be relevant and current, communicating the Gospel in a way that makes sense to those around me.

I want to walk by that homeless man, woman, family and have my heart tugged with a heaviness because of the pain in this world. And instead of tossing change in the hand of the man I did not make eye contact with, I want to be a part of finding the fundamental problem and the fundamental solution. I want to be proactive and look to develop ways to empower change, not just relieve symptoms.

I want to spend time with my Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, and Mormon friends because they are human beings. I want to appreciate the beauty of their culture and the differences between our faiths. I want to stop diluting Christianity and every other religion by saying we are all the same, because the fact is, it is in the differences that the beauty of God is magnified as we find that His word is transcendent of all cultures, beliefs, and ages. It is through Christ that we can have a diverse community.

I want to be someone who can love and seek to know deeper the heart of all people. In doing this, I will not be a racist, a sexist, a religionist, or have any form of hate inside of me towards humans. I will naturally be someone who desires to not be judgmental but always wants to understand a little better. I can share my values and beliefs, without fear of others “finding me out” and lumping me in the “stereotypical Christian”category. I don’t need to fight against a stereotype of “Christians”=judgmental and non-accepting if I am filled with love for all. I can spend that energy fighting for a culture that sees every human worthy of the message of Christ. I don’t have to avoid the subject of religion or spirituality, because it is who I am…it seeps out of my pores…I do not want to put my personal, spiritual, and professional life in separate categories….

I want to be knowledgeable about politics, enough to know where passion and energy is needed to effect social change. Why are social justice issues a “democrat” or “republican” issue? They should be a Christ-follower issue. Some things should not be clouded by party lines. Life is one of those issues: the right for each human to have life.

I want to be an agent of change who is passionate about doing more than voting. I want to sacrifice time and energy to contribute tirelessly to the great social injustice of abortion, domestic violence, lack of housing, food, and medical services for the poor, human sex trafficking, etc. I want to advocate for all life and be a voice for those whose lives are being taken.

I want to see the Church the way God sees it, the way Christ and the disciples spoke of it. I don’t want to be a prophetess protesting the soon-coming doomsday of the church. I want to be a loyal and active part of a community that has the potential and power to transform an entire community and society. We treat her like she is beaten and bruised, no hope of ever being the radiant bride God said she was. I want to be apart of a community that believes in being something larger then “self.” I want to be the one that looks back on the past 2000 years and boldly proclaim that true Christians have always been a part of every social injustice ending and are called to continue to be a part of seeing injustice and evil pushed down.

I am growing weary of a sea of Christians trying to make a point. What if we just decide to love people? And love people by loving God and knowing God and obeying His word. That is who I want to be.

My Goal

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace;
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.
'Tis His to lead me there, not mine but His...
At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.
So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,
and love can trust her Lord to lead her there.
Upheld by Him, my soul is foll'wing hard,
Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.

No matter if the way be sometimes dark,
No matter though the cost be oft-times great,
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark,
The way that leads to Him must needs be straight.

One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;
One thing I do, I press on towards my Lord.
My God, my Glory here from day to day,
And in the glory there, my Great Reward.

-by Fredrick Brook

Back to the real world... :)

We are back from our honeymoon! We had an AMAZING time in Honduras. We spent the first week on a beautiful island off the coast of Honduras and the second week up in the rain forest on the main land. We met so many special people, visited beautiful villages, ate great food, and enjoyed every second together. Our time was so special. Thank you all for your prayers. It is hard to just pick a few pictures to share...







Thank you all for your support in our marriage. We were overwhelmed by how much God has blessed us with friends and family that love us so much and give so much of themselves to us.

thoughts T minus 18 days :)

I thought you would all enjoy seeing some pictures my sister took of us last weekend.

I cannot believe I am getting married in 18 days. Wild! Seriously. God is so good. I am just blessed beyond words to be marrying Vermon. It is amazing to be able to feel and know the love of God in such a tangible way through another human being. It is also such a gift to be able to offer complete, unconditional love to someone. I truly believe that this is a gift only God can grant. In our own power, we cannot be so self-emptying and self-giving, but through God's rich grace we can follow in the steps of Christ and serve and love one another, putting their interests far above our own. When two people do this in marriage, I believe it reflects the beauty and image of God in such an intense and pure way.

Anyway, I wanted to share some sermons about marriage and singleness to bless and encourage you. The first set are from Vermon's sermon series on sex, singlness, & marriage and the second set are from Pastor Tim from Camelback Bible Church (he did our premarital counseling). All of these messages grew and stretched our relationship in so many ways. Enjoy! :)

Vermon's series:
Christ Centered Relationships: Marriage
Christ Centered Relationships: Singleness and Dating
Christ Centered Relationships: Love and Sex

Pastor Tim:
UNITING THE GENDERS, PART I - The Mystery of Two Becoming One - Genesis 2:24-25
UNITING THE GENDERS, PART II - The Secret Power of Love - John 17:20-26
UNITING THE GENDERS, PART III - The Holy Combustion of Physical Union - 1Cor. 6:12-20, Prov. 5:15-20, Song of Songs
UNITING THE GENDERS, PART IV - Signposts for Men and Women - Assorted Biblical Texts

Red Sox Fever

This isn't going to be one of my deeper/challenging posts...just a random observation...

Last night was such an interesting experience. I was sitting at a Red Sox vs. Diamondbacks game in Phoenix Arizona with Vermon and 20+ of my closest family members (some of which flew from new england to watch the 3 game inter-leauge series). You NEVER would have known we were in Phoenix. 9.5 out of 10 people were wearing Red Sox paraphernalia (the other 5% was a mix of D-backs stuff and Yankees stuff). When the jumbo trons came on, trying to rally the croud to root, "D-back" the crowd burst out in a wave of "Red Sox"...when the D-backs got a good call, boos...when the red sox made a good play...Case Field erupted in cheers.

I think the high light of the night was when some Red Sox fans who had one (or 4) too many $6 beers started cheering, "Yankees Suck" (I think chanting that phrase over and over was more fun for my 8 and 10 year old cousins then the Red Sox actually playing!) I couldn't help but feel bad for the D-backs...getting booed while on their home field. But not too bad to not enjoy the Red Sox win in overtime.

Okay...honestly, I didn't care at all about the game. Vermon and I just went to be with everyone. It was so exciting to be a part of my younger cousins excitement...and memories. They were in New England Heaven. I spent much more time watching them cheer, hoot, hollar, and laugh then I did watch the game (although, I did see the great play that tied the game...pretty exciting :)).

This is an obvious parallel...but it is remarkable to me that millions of men can be so passionate about sports...to the point of tearing when their team wins the World Series, Super Bowl, etc...to the point of HATING or disdaining a team like the Yankees...yet these same men struggle with their passion for God and even more so for people. I don't get it. It is interesting that people can get so excited about something that does nothing for humanity and means nothing in light of eternity, yet feel no conviction about their belief in God meaning nothing in their every day life.

(Disclaimer: not saying there is anything wrong about loving a team...as long as they aren't the Yankees ;))

Getting a Biblical Perspective on Social Status

Due to being out of town, childrens church, and nursery...I was a little behind on my favorite pastor's sermons (great theology, great passion, and very attractive...you can't get a better combination from a pastor ;) )

Anyway...Vermon's James series has been so good (in my completely unbiased opinion). I just listened to this sermon on James 1: 9-11.

I HIGHLY encourage you to listen:

Getting a Biblical Perspective on Social Status

her name is "mommy"

I really have the best job in the entire world… I feel like I am doing it injustice by even calling it a job…finally, I get paid to just be Dennae. :) I really would work at Sojourner Center for free (shh…don’t tell anyone, the pay is kinda helpful for paying bills!) Often, I get in my car after a long, exhausting, draining day and I pause before turning the key. In that pause, I just get this big smile on my face as my mind is flooded with all the precious moments I had that day and great life lessons I learned. There is something about working with hurting children that constantly reminds me of the simplicity of life and the value of love, touch, and belonging. I feel like I have, in many ways, learned more from my kids that I work with then I have taught them.

One of those learning moments happened right before I left for the long weekend on Thursday. I was walking around the center when I found a wandering kid running around in the grass. I asked the four-year-old if I could hold his hand and walk with him back to his room and I said, “I am going to go find your mom, what is her name?” He looked at me and said, “her name is mommy.” I smiled. “Yes, I know, but what do other people call her?” He got a puzzled look on his face and said, “her name is mommy.” I knelt down on his level, so I could be face to face with him, and tried again, “friend, I know you call her mommy, but what about people who aren’t hers, what do they call her?” “mommy.” Hmm…this line of questioning wasn’t working, so I took a different route. “what does she look like?” “She looks like my mommy.” I had to hold in the laughter. “what color hair does she have?” He paused, looked like he was thinking, and with complete sincerity said, “the same color hair all mommies have.” At that point I just decided that I loved this child’s heart and decided to play with him until she came back to the room.

Sometimes I feel like I approach God in that way. I can take the complex, mysterious, awe-inspiring God…and in a few short breaths, simply reduce him to a three letter word, void of meaning and emotion. To a child, “mommy”= “my mother”; to an adult, “mommy” = “billions of women all over the world.”

To me, “God”= my creator, my passion, my love; the one who has rescued me, through Christ, from a life of meaningless existence where the world revolved around me and brought me to a life of purposeful mission where the world revolves around God and his good, justice, grace, and mercy. To the world, “God”= whatever you want him to be.

I think this is why that street corner “preacher” on Mill avenue that says, “repent you evil sinners, the end is near and you are going to burn in hell” really gets my blood pumping. I imagine a person walking up to him and saying, “Who is it that we are supposed to repent to?” The “preacher” looks at him with a “your stupid” look and says, “God.” “Ya, but who is God?” “duh, God is god.” “Okay, I understand that, but who is this God you speak of?” “He is God.”

How quickly that conversation would grow old and annoying. I feel like too often, we approach God as though he were the same as every other “god” in the universe. There is more to “God” then five minute evangelistic tactic could ever present. Are there times where we are given only a five minute opportunity to really share with someone who Jesus is and how he has totally changed our hearts, our passions, our lives? Absolutely. But should that be the majority of times we are talking about who this God is? Absolutely not.


If I believe God to be all that he says he is then my thoughts, my reading, my conversations, my relationships, my time should be consumed with Him. It should be evident in every moment of my life that I am on a life-long quest to intimately know my God and act in a way that reflects His goodness and kindness. I need to have more words in my vocabulary to describe Him then simply, “God.” So much so, that I can spend not just five minutes, but hours and days explaining, describing, and articulating who He is, what He looks like, and what He cares about.

happiness is just a curly fry away...

Vermon and I spent the day yesterday walking along a beautiful beach by my aunt and uncle’s house in sunny southern California. I was struck all throughout our walk by God’s majesty and beauty. Nature has a way of making me stop, swallow that lump in my throat, and stand in awe of God. This weekend has been nothing but one happy moment after another, which is why I found this so amusing…at the end of our walk, Vermon and I came across this empty soda cup that said:

“Happiness is just a curly fry away.”

Interesting statement. I kind of smiled as I pointed it out to Vermon, “This would be the winner if our culture could be defined by a soda cup…” I joked. At that moment it seemed funny, but as I reflect on it, I do not know how far I was from the truth.

Americans…maybe just humans in general, pine for a life of happiness. It is even valued as high of a right as life and liberty! Think about what that means? Should the pursuit of happiness be a human right and if so, should it be equal to life and liberty?

And…just like everything else, we don’t want that pursuit to be a hard, toilsome work. Put it in the microwave, set it to high…instant happiness. It is “just” a moment away…quick, pull over, buy these curly fries and you will be happy.

You fill in the blank. Happiness is just a soul mate away. Happiness is just a dream house away. Happiness is just an adventure away. Happiness is just a satisfying job away. Happiness is just a __________ away.

The more we pursue happiness the less happy our world gets. It is in pursuing our own agendas and desires that we become more evil. We were created to serve. We should be pursuing a life of constant sacrificial, self-emptying service to God and others. What if the Decleration of Independence read, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the right to live a life of constant, Christ-like service to God and each other.”

It is in service, many times a tiring, exhausting act, where we will find the deepest satisfaction and happiness ever known. There is nothing instant about it. You can’t pull over the moment you get a craving, whip out a $5 bill and purchase it. Living a life of constant, selfless service is work, hard work. But it is a work that will lead to endless and limitless rewards.

One of the most incredible lessons I have begun to learn through my relationship with Vermon is that happiness is simply a side benefit. Marrying him because he makes me happy would destroy us, because it moves the epicenter of our marriage from Christ to us and our desires. If I walk forward in marrying him simply based on my happiness, then I am missing the entire reason God created marriage.

God created marriage to express himself and to glorify his name. In marrying Vermon, I am given the gift of being able to reflect the image of God to him and him to me. And the image of God is shown in his son, Jesus Christ, who gave himself as a sacrifice for us. How beautiful. It is beautiful that our love will only be as deep as we are able to reflect Christ to each other. It is only in self-emptying, sacrificial love and service to each other that we be able to fulfill the purpose that God intended for marriage.

Of course, if we both strive to, by God’s grace, do that…we will know an indescribable amount of happiness. What I value more then happiness is the deep, divine-like love that I have received from Vermon. The moments in life that I have pursued happiness do not compare to the moments where I have been able to love and serve Vermon in ways that are not normal or natural…and times when I have received acts of service from him that are far from what I deserve. We cannot afford to pursue happiness. Happiness is not the chief end of man.

The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him fully.

God, help me to pursue that.

A Culture of Violence

There are certain topics that get me very fired up. I know my friends and family think I am extreme and hate television. I do not hate television, I hate the amount of time it takes away from people’s lives. I hate what it does to families, children, and our culture. I know this is lengthy and most of you are sick of hearing about it from me...so only read this entire thing if you really love me. :) (just kidding!)

I think entertainment is a great thing. Unfortunately, I think our society approaches entertainment just like they approach the rest of life: entertainment=consumption. That one word “consume” sums up the purpose of entertainment in the lives of many. We cheapen our lives when we limit our definition of entertainment to, “a painless activity that gratifies and satisfies me.” There is so much more to entertainment.

Entertainment is simply occupying your mind with something enjoyable, amusing, or even pleasurable. In a dark world filled with evil, we need space in our life and our minds to enjoy the earth that God has given us. Entertainment can be playing with children, drinking coffee with friends, fellowship with community, sitting around a campfire, hiking through the Adirondacks, reading a great book...anything that glorifies God and allows us to enjoy him more can be entertainment (by that definition, I have no problem with any media that does that).

It is interesting when I begin to explain my views on media, that people automatically jump to the conclusion that I am extreme and find no value in entertainment. I think this just sheds light on the fact that their definition of entertainment is narrow. This post was inspired by a recent 24 episode I watched. Trying to prove that I was not an enemy of television, I decided to pick a show to watch that Vermon is watching. I thought it would be a fun compromise, since he often does things with me that I know he never thought of doing pre-dennae. I had watched every episode this season, until a week ago, when I felt the violence really crossed the line.

Now, I do think that violence is okay to portray through art, music, movies, etc. I think it should be done in a way that draws people towards a resolution. It needs to be something that sickens and outrages people at the evil in this world and compels and pushes them forward toward being a vanguard of social change. I think there is something wrong when violence is nothing more then, “a painless activity that gratifies and satisfies me.”

The argument has been made, “just because I watch a violent show does not mean I am going to be more violent.” I agree. It does not mean that. Just because I watch a movie with graphic sexual content, does not mean I am going to have premarital sex. The point I am trying to make is not how you, personally, are effected by meaningless acts of violence. Jack Bauer killed a terrorist. The writer of the show could have portrayed it in a way where it gave the audience a healthy sense of justice. But instead, men and women all across America thought or said, “ooohh…Jack is so awesome!” as he brutally an inhumanely killed a man in a five minute killing scene that ended with the terrorist’s neck snapping as his body hung from a metal chain. And our society doesn’t even flinch when it's over and spends the next day at the water cooler talking about the great episode.

The fact is violence is real. I work with women and children all day, every day that have lived a reality that is the entertainment of so many. I have kids that have seen bodies hang from beams just like that scene that millions watched for pure entertainment. Bloody, beaten bodies is not out of the norm for some of my six, seven, and eight year old children, but it also is not entertainment to them. It is a frightening nightmare that they don’t know if they will survive. I am not being dramatic, I am not being extreme, I am being honest. We live in a violent and disgusting world in which evil triumphs when good men sit idle.

If you think that this is my soapbox just because I am around it all day, then I challenge you to move your life to a place where you can see the world for what it really is. You don't have to be around hungry people to be passionate about feeding the hungry and not wasting food. You don't have to be around illiterate families to be passionate about educating children. You don't have to be around alcoholics or drug attics, marriages that are dissolving, oppressed women, slaves, families breaking because of debt, races being wiped out by genocide, or children who are abused to be passionate about seeing those social ills resolved.

Our lives need to be a little more black and white if we want to start to see change happen. Deciding not to endorse meaningless violence on television is not about legalism, it is about being sick and tired of a society and culture that embraces a culture of violence.

I believe that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of social ills that could be alleviated if Christians would reject the definition of entertainment as, “a painless activity that gratifies and satisfies me" and make entertainment a very small part of their life instead of the focus. If you are still reading (then you get 100 extra points and must be a REALLY good and dear friend of mine! :) ) Take some time to read these stats: http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_vlent.shtml In my experience, people don’t really care about stats because all they care about is that they are not affected by it, but my challenge is to stop thinking about yourself and how you are effected and start thinking about society and culture as a whole and take a stand against violence.

the proposal... =)

I already talked to most of you who read this, but I wanted to share some pictures with you! Thanks to Vermon's sister and my sister's willingness to hide in the bushes and take pictures...we were able to get some special moments on camera. ;)