The Joys of Disciplining Children

I really enjoy disciplining my children. I always thought that would be the worst part of parenting; however, I have quickly learned that it is a great privilege.

Obviously, I enjoy my children so much more when they are obedient, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I would take that over their disobedience, acting out, complete defiance, screaming, yelling, and crying any day. On the other hand, I find myself thankful every time I have a chance to discipline my children. I am thankful because it provides and endless amount of opportunities to bond, deepen our attachment, and most of all—teach them how to live and think in this world.

1) Children are born with a desire to follow every wish and desire that they have—which means their defiance or acting out is not a direct assault on who I am as a person. My children were born with every fiber in their body aching to meet their own desires and needs above anything else in this world. To treat my children as though, left to their own will, they should be anything but completely sinful is to act as though they are better then the gospel itself. When I have an opportunity to discipline them, I have a chance to teach them that they cannot follow their way and must submit to God’s way. Their disobedience is a wonderful opportunity to explain grace, mercy, justice…and most of all—the gospel. I’ve had such wonderful conversations with the kids during these “time out” talks.

2) I get to teach my children how to be adults. I often ask Niko to think about what would happen if he were an adult and made the same choice he just made…he often is able to describe the type of person he would grow up to be. He hit Mya out of anger once. I sat Niko down and asked him, “Do you see anyone in our family hit anyone else?” “No” he responds. “What would happen if you grew up and hit your friend, wife, or kid because you were angry?” Niko’s eyes got very wide and he seemed scared as he described that he would grow up to be a “bad guy” that hurt others. He hasn’t hit anyone since.

3) The price tag is much smaller when they are under my care. If my child chooses to throw a tantrum, act selfishly, complain needlessly, etc and I am still responsible for caring for them, then I get to walk through an incredible learning opportunity with them. As a parent, I can set up safe consequences. If they do not have an opportunity to learn with me as their teacher, then they will still be acting that way as an adult. The consequence will be much greater when they are a teenager or adult making negative or sinful choices then when they are a child.

4) The Bible doesn’t describe discipline as a negative thing, but something that a loving parent does to a child. When I am disciplining Niko and Mya, they often ask, “Do you love me?” I explain to them that it would mean I did not love them if I let them do whatever they wanted…because those actions would lead to a very bad, unhappy life. I tell them it is because I love them, that I need to teach them how to live and act.

Psalms 94:12 “Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law…”

Proverbs 29: 17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”

5) I am able to touch their hearts. Parenting provides many, many opportunities for behavior modification, but this is not discipline. Changing my child’s behavior only gives the parent temporary relief from the child’s embarrassing behavior; however, it does nothing to impact the child’s belief systems about how they should relate to this world. Of course, there are times when I have no choice but to ensure that my child is practicing instant obedience and I need to make sure I get the correct “behavioral” response (For example: when I yell “stop” as she is about to dart into traffic), but the best part of parenting is being able to then instruct their hearts—to explain the “whys” and “how comes” and to paint a picture that looks different then the way they are currently viewing it.

So when you’re child is throwing a full on screaming, yelling, meltdown in the grocery store isle…I won’t think less of you (as long as you actually take the time to discipline your child, instead of trying to plead with them to behave or erupt violently because they are “embarrassing” you).