Monday, August 10, 2009

A Mother's Search for Time in the Word

I often hear from moms that it is so challenging to find time in the word and prayer. I also hear that from college students, singles early in their careers and professional development, newly weds, and middle-aged empty nesters. I know at every stage of my life, finding time in the word has been challenging and I know women at every stage of life who find the time and their speech, actions, and love are evident of women who are soaked in the Word of God.

I do have very, very fond memories of my single days and being able to spend hours, even an entire day studying God’s word. I definitely had more time at different seasons of my life, but even when I had the most time—I had seasons where I neglected time in prayer and time in the word. Time is something we all lack and distraction and noise constantly fight for our attention and affections. No matter how much “free time” one has, it is painfully easy to give in to your flesh and fill it with meaningless, flesh-gratifying things. It is even easy to fill that time with good things, but not the most important things.

Over the years of preparing to be a mother, I have heard very poor advice regarding early motherhood and being in the word. I have heard many people say things such as,

“it is important, but don’t feel guilty, it is a season of life. There will be a time again to spend more time in the word.”

“It is so hard, but there are practical things you can do…like write a verse on an index card and read that all week, over and over…at least that is something”

“God has called you to focus on your family and care for their needs right now…it is a season of life.”

My problem with all of that advice is it simply is not biblical. There are things about being a mother of young children that have their unique challenges in regards to time and energy, but the purpose of this season of your life is to bring glory to your God. Mother, professional, single, teenager, college student—you are a warrior in God’s army! And being a mother now increases the amount of people you are directly responsible for praying over and training up to be good soldiers. If anything, motherhood should drive us into the word and prayer more, not less.

If my kids grow up to tell stories about my dishes not always being done, or times that we all had to spend all day at a laundry mat because the laundry piled up, but they can remember me in the word, speaking the word, walking in the spirit, and on my knees—praise God! If my children grow up, remembering that we had to always cook frozen pizza or order Chinese food when company came over, because mom ran out of time to go grocery shopping or make an elaborate meal…but they remember being with me when I was praying with my sisters, deeply interceding before the Lord—Glory be to God! There are many practical, every day life skills that I need to teach my children, but their priority pales in comparison to making sure their mother is soaked in God’s word and deeply seeking the Lord in prayer.

Mothers are called to do far, far more then read one verse on an index card all week or to just chalk this to a “season of life.” Our first and foremost identity is that we are children of the Almighty God, we are daughters of our King, we are sisters of Jesus Christ! The more time we spend deep in the word, digging into theology, and praying to our father, the deeper Love we will have for our God. Deeper love for our God will directly lead to a deeper love for others, your family will benefit greatly from that increase in love.

It is only when our first love is the Lord and our priorities reflect it, that we can raise children in the love and instruction of the Lord.

But saying this and reading this is so much easier in principle then it is in practice. I fail often at making this my priority and I fear my children growing up with a mother that does not keep her eyes Jesus daily. It scares me to think of how often I parent out of my own wisdom and do not depend on the Lord for his wisdom, sustenance, and guidance.

These are just ideas of things that I have tried. I don’t do all of them every day or week, but daily I try to do something.


1) Use your Husband. If you have a husband, especially one that loves Jesus…one of his deepest desires for you and your marriage should be that you are growing in your relationship with the Lord. Be honest with him about what you need to prioritize this in your life.

a. Let him get the kids breakfast a few mornings a week while you read your bible or let him play with them after dinner or take them to the park so you have some time to read the word (not clean, do laundry, etc)

b. Plan Daddy Date Nights. Let your husband have one night a week (or month) that he comes home from work, cooks dinner (or reheats something if cooking it is too big of a stretch for him!), feeds the kids, has special daddy time, and puts them to bed. You can grab your Bible, a sandwich, a journal, some commentaries, and head to a local coffee shop for 3 or 4 hours of study. Not only is this great for your kids to have that time with their dad, but you need that time in the word! You can return the favor to your husband by encouraging him to escape from the house early on a Saturday morning or come home late one night from work…giving him several hours in the word.

c. After the kids go to bed, pray together, read from God’s word together (you can even do this while the other folds laundry), even if it is just the first 20 minutes after your kids fall asleep—get in the discipline of incorporating God’s word and prayer as a steady diet in your marriage. Ask your husband what he is reading in God’s word and what he is learning and then tell him what you are learning (even if he doesn’t ask). Use each other to hold one another accountable.

2) Go to McDonalds. Not that I am a big fan of their nutritious meals, but once a week…I bring Niko and Mya to McDonalds after lunch (or school) for an ice cream cone and let them play for an hour. That gives me a good hour to read. This isn’t good for uninterrupted, focused study…but it is a great time for reading more about a specific doctrine or theology. I have also found it to be a good time to work on scripture memory.

3) Quiet times. Niko is 7 and still has a “nap” time. I try at least 3 days a week to use that time to read and pray. This is prime time for "mom chores", so you really have to discipline yourself to use this time for prayer and study and fight the temptation to get things done on your "to-do" list. Just remember that time in the word is a priority to a clean house, laundry, and dinner...plus, if you are anything like me—it is much easier for you to talk yourself into neglecting some sleep to do some chores then it will be to stay up to read the word (our flesh is so weak!).

4) Use your church family. If it has been weeks since you have been in the word—you are in crisis and who most wants to support you then your sisters! Call some other moms in the church (call me!) and schedule a “play date.” One mom can play with all the kids (or take them to the park) while the other mom goes into a room and reads/prays for an hour…then you can switch. Ask your home group for help. Schedule times to pray with other women in the church. If you’re a single mom or have a husband who is not a believer…do all of the things I suggested for “Using your Husband” with church family. Let us be a church to you. Let us be the Body to you. Confess any pride that holds you back from asking your sisters for help!

5) Full time work and full time mothering is exhausting, even if you feel called to what you do and love your job. I found it difficult to find time to take a shower, never mind time to read the Bible and pray. If you have a commute, use your drive to pray...have an index with an outline of things to pray for and pray out loud your entire drive. Skip the time it takes to stop at Starbucks, get to work 30 minutes early and read in your car. Read during your lunch break. Honestly, none of that really worked for me (but I know others who do it)--I just had to sacrifice sleep and try to carve out extra time on the weekends for solitude.

6) Include your kids. My favorite thing to do after breakfast is go back in bed and read my Bible and pray. I tell Niko and Mya that this is very special time with God and it is important for every Christian to have time in the word. I invite Niko and Mya to lay in bed with me, but only as long as they want to sit and read with me. I set my alarm for an hour and tell them they can interrupt me when the hour is up. Niko and Mya get their bibles and both spend 10-20 minutes reading their bibles quietly (or looking at the pictures)…and then they quietly go off to their room to play together or by themselves. When the hour is up, they excitingly bounce into my room with a long list of what they want to play with me. (I also read a book by Noel Piper where she suggested getting the Bible on tape for your pre-readers to listen to…I want to try this for Mya)

Anyone else have things that have worked for them? Please share!

5 comments:

Unknown said...

My time in the word comes from inspiration for writing music or studying a certain aspect of God- I want to get to the bottom of something and that drives me to learn more.
I just wrote myself a schedule last week and am planning on sharing my bible time with Jack- having him read while I read, or read to him. It is encouraging to hear that it works for you!
Thanks for all of the suggestions-it is convicting, a little sad, but hopeful as well.

Anonymous said...

what a total encouragement! i'm not a mommy yet, but am saving this post for future reference, although it's very timely advice for any season! thx girl!

Edward Cross said...

This is good advice for me to know (although I am not a mother). I think it will prove quite valuable to my wife and I if marriage is in my future.

The hardest part for me right now is what you mentioned about "noise constantly fight[ing] for our attention and affections." Living with three college-aged guys (one of which is very musical!) can make it hard to concentrate sometimes.

Since I cannot schedule nap time or employ any of these other methods you have mentioned, maybe I can talk to them about scheduling a time where no one watches television, plays guitar, has friends over, etc. I think they would respond well to that.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Hi, this is the same person who posted that last comment. I feel that I really shouldn't have posted that. It was written out of bitterness and frustration, and I was convicted of it immediately after I posted it. I'm truly sorry and if you could delete that last comment I'd really appreciate it.