I often hear from moms that it is so challenging to find time in the word and prayer. I also hear that from college students, singles early in their careers and professional development, newly weds, and middle-aged empty nesters. I know at every stage of my life, finding time in the word has been challenging and I know women at every stage of life who find the time and their speech, actions, and love are evident of women who are soaked in the Word of God.
I do have very, very fond memories of my single days and being able to spend hours, even an entire day studying God’s word. I definitely had more time at different seasons of my life, but even when I had the most time—I had seasons where I neglected time in prayer and time in the word. Time is something we all lack and distraction and noise constantly fight for our attention and affections. No matter how much “free time” one has, it is painfully easy to give in to your flesh and fill it with meaningless, flesh-gratifying things. It is even easy to fill that time with good things, but not the most important things.
Over the years of preparing to be a mother, I have heard very poor advice regarding early motherhood and being in the word. I have heard many people say things such as,
“it is important, but don’t feel guilty, it is a season of life. There will be a time again to spend more time in the word.”
“It is so hard, but there are practical things you can do…like write a verse on an index card and read that all week, over and over…at least that is something”
“God has called you to focus on your family and care for their needs right now…it is a season of life.”
My problem with all of that advice is it simply is not biblical. There are things about being a mother of young children that have their unique challenges in regards to time and energy, but the purpose of this season of your life is to bring glory to your God. Mother, professional, single, teenager, college student—you are a warrior in God’s army! And being a mother now increases the amount of people you are directly responsible for praying over and training up to be good soldiers. If anything, motherhood should drive us into the word and prayer more, not less.
If my kids grow up to tell stories about my dishes not always being done, or times that we all had to spend all day at a laundry mat because the laundry piled up, but they can remember me in the word, speaking the word, walking in the spirit, and on my knees—praise God! If my children grow up, remembering that we had to always cook frozen pizza or order Chinese food when company came over, because mom ran out of time to go grocery shopping or make an elaborate meal…but they remember being with me when I was praying with my sisters, deeply interceding before the Lord—Glory be to God! There are many practical, every day life skills that I need to teach my children, but their priority pales in comparison to making sure their mother is soaked in God’s word and deeply seeking the Lord in prayer.
Mothers are called to do far, far more then read one verse on an index card all week or to just chalk this to a “season of life.” Our first and foremost identity is that we are children of the Almighty God, we are daughters of our King, we are sisters of Jesus Christ! The more time we spend deep in the word, digging into theology, and praying to our father, the deeper Love we will have for our God. Deeper love for our God will directly lead to a deeper love for others, your family will benefit greatly from that increase in love.
It is only when our first love is the Lord and our priorities reflect it, that we can raise children in the love and instruction of the Lord.
But saying this and reading this is so much easier in principle then it is in practice. I fail often at making this my priority and I fear my children growing up with a mother that does not keep her eyes Jesus daily. It scares me to think of how often I parent out of my own wisdom and do not depend on the Lord for his wisdom, sustenance, and guidance.
These are just ideas of things that I have tried. I don’t do all of them every day or week, but daily I try to do something.
1) Use your Husband. If you have a husband, especially one that loves Jesus…one of his deepest desires for you and your marriage should be that you are growing in your relationship with the Lord. Be honest with him about what you need to prioritize this in your life.
a. Let him get the kids breakfast a few mornings a week while you read your bible or let him play with them after dinner or take them to the park so you have some time to read the word (not clean, do laundry, etc)
b. Plan Daddy Date Nights. Let your husband have one night a week (or month) that he comes home from work, cooks dinner (or reheats something if cooking it is too big of a stretch for him!), feeds the kids, has special daddy time, and puts them to bed. You can grab your Bible, a sandwich, a journal, some commentaries, and head to a local coffee shop for 3 or 4 hours of study. Not only is this great for your kids to have that time with their dad, but you need that time in the word! You can return the favor to your husband by encouraging him to escape from the house early on a Saturday morning or come home late one night from work…giving him several hours in the word.
c. After the kids go to bed, pray together, read from God’s word together (you can even do this while the other folds laundry), even if it is just the first 20 minutes after your kids fall asleep—get in the discipline of incorporating God’s word and prayer as a steady diet in your marriage. Ask your husband what he is reading in God’s word and what he is learning and then tell him what you are learning (even if he doesn’t ask). Use each other to hold one another accountable.
2) Go to McDonalds. Not that I am a big fan of their nutritious meals, but once a week…I bring Niko and Mya to McDonalds after lunch (or school) for an ice cream cone and let them play for an hour. That gives me a good hour to read. This isn’t good for uninterrupted, focused study…but it is a great time for reading more about a specific doctrine or theology. I have also found it to be a good time to work on scripture memory.
3) Quiet times. Niko is 7 and still has a “nap” time. I try at least 3 days a week to use that time to read and pray. This is prime time for "mom chores", so you really have to discipline yourself to use this time for prayer and study and fight the temptation to get things done on your "to-do" list. Just remember that time in the word is a priority to a clean house, laundry, and dinner...plus, if you are anything like me—it is much easier for you to talk yourself into neglecting some sleep to do some chores then it will be to stay up to read the word (our flesh is so weak!).
4) Use your church family. If it has been weeks since you have been in the word—you are in crisis and who most wants to support you then your sisters! Call some other moms in the church (call me!) and schedule a “play date.” One mom can play with all the kids (or take them to the park) while the other mom goes into a room and reads/prays for an hour…then you can switch. Ask your home group for help. Schedule times to pray with other women in the church. If you’re a single mom or have a husband who is not a believer…do all of the things I suggested for “Using your Husband” with church family. Let us be a church to you. Let us be the Body to you. Confess any pride that holds you back from asking your sisters for help!
5) Full time work and full time mothering is exhausting, even if you feel called to what you do and love your job. I found it difficult to find time to take a shower, never mind time to read the Bible and pray. If you have a commute, use your drive to pray...have an index with an outline of things to pray for and pray out loud your entire drive. Skip the time it takes to stop at Starbucks, get to work 30 minutes early and read in your car. Read during your lunch break. Honestly, none of that really worked for me (but I know others who do it)--I just had to sacrifice sleep and try to carve out extra time on the weekends for solitude.
6) Include your kids. My favorite thing to do after breakfast is go back in bed and read my Bible and pray. I tell Niko and Mya that this is very special time with God and it is important for every Christian to have time in the word. I invite Niko and Mya to lay in bed with me, but only as long as they want to sit and read with me. I set my alarm for an hour and tell them they can interrupt me when the hour is up. Niko and Mya get their bibles and both spend 10-20 minutes reading their bibles quietly (or looking at the pictures)…and then they quietly go off to their room to play together or by themselves. When the hour is up, they excitingly bounce into my room with a long list of what they want to play with me. (I also read a book by Noel Piper where she suggested getting the Bible on tape for your pre-readers to listen to…I want to try this for Mya)
Anyone else have things that have worked for them? Please share!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
my favorite new name
I have been a mom for a little over three months and it has been such a life changing experience. I was reflecting today on what the Lord has done in the lives of our children since we first met them and I couldn't help but praise God for how powerfully he has revealed his love to me though my little girl and little boy.
Anyone who has met Mya, our four year old, becomes instantly aware that she has a strong and wonderful personality. She loves being the center of attention, loves making people laugh, and loves saying things that you would hear out of the mouth of a teenager.
After living with us every weekend for three months, Mya and Niko moved in full time at the beginning of April. We told them when we first began taking care of them on the weekends, that we were going to become their new mommy and daddy, but we never told them what to call us. Since we had such a long/strange "in-transition" stage where we weren't their parents, but were trying to be...we figured they were confused and when the dust settled, would instinctively know what to call us.
Niko and Mya instantly called Vermon "daddy." It was so precious to hear and I loved seeing Vermon's big smile every time they heard it...it didn't go so quickly with me. I figured, with their history, it would take longer to start calling me "mom," but knew it would happen. Even though I was slightly jealous of Vermon, I figured, even mother of infants don't get to hear themselves called mom for almost a year--and even then, for some reason, "da da" is among babies first words.
The journey of becoming "Mommy" went something like this...
Mya would be having a tantrum and I would be disciplining her, explaining her sin and hard heart and her need for Jesus. "You'll NNNNNEEEEEEVVVVVEEEERRR be my mommy!" She would scream at the top of her lungs.
Later in the day, Vermon would home, "Daddy!" and then she'd look over at me and stick her hand on her hip and say, "he's my daddy! You're not my mommy!"
Other times we would be playing dolls or with stuffed animals and she would "make-believe" I was her mommy...and giggle or laugh every time she called me it, but made sure to tell me it was just a game. She wanted to test it out, but wasn't ready to commit.
"Dennae" she would say, "yes, daughter" "You can be my mommy yesterday (she mixes up yesterday and tomorrow)" I would gently explain that I already am her mommy, just like God wants to be our father, whether we realize it or not.
Our entire first month and a half was like this. I knew Mya desperately wanted a mommy, she longed to call me mommy and longed to belong to me. She would desperately want me to hold her, but would resist asking me with every bone in her body. I could see the turmoil within her.
Then, on Mother's Day, Mya started calling me "Mommy" and instantly began acting like I was her mommy. The transformation in her heart was beautiful. Vermon and I often say, that she has become more beautiful in the last few months...as she realizes this is forever, as she realizes she belongs to someone, as she learns her new identity as a "Pierre", she smiles more and more.
Now...only two months later, I can't even go into the bathroom without Mya wanting to follow me in. Several times a day, Mya runs up to me, kisses me, and says, "You're the best Mommy in the WHOLE world." When she's in time out, now she argues, "But Mommy, I need you to be with me. But Mommy, I won't be able to see you!"
I love hearing Niko and Mya call me "mommy". I can't hear it enough. I never thought I would like the sound so much. It has been such a lesson in how I pray to the Lord. How overjoyed God must be to hear his little children call him "Abba (daddy)" Father.
Anyone who has met Mya, our four year old, becomes instantly aware that she has a strong and wonderful personality. She loves being the center of attention, loves making people laugh, and loves saying things that you would hear out of the mouth of a teenager.
After living with us every weekend for three months, Mya and Niko moved in full time at the beginning of April. We told them when we first began taking care of them on the weekends, that we were going to become their new mommy and daddy, but we never told them what to call us. Since we had such a long/strange "in-transition" stage where we weren't their parents, but were trying to be...we figured they were confused and when the dust settled, would instinctively know what to call us.
Niko and Mya instantly called Vermon "daddy." It was so precious to hear and I loved seeing Vermon's big smile every time they heard it...it didn't go so quickly with me. I figured, with their history, it would take longer to start calling me "mom," but knew it would happen. Even though I was slightly jealous of Vermon, I figured, even mother of infants don't get to hear themselves called mom for almost a year--and even then, for some reason, "da da" is among babies first words.
The journey of becoming "Mommy" went something like this...
Mya would be having a tantrum and I would be disciplining her, explaining her sin and hard heart and her need for Jesus. "You'll NNNNNEEEEEEVVVVVEEEERRR be my mommy!" She would scream at the top of her lungs.
Later in the day, Vermon would home, "Daddy!" and then she'd look over at me and stick her hand on her hip and say, "he's my daddy! You're not my mommy!"
Other times we would be playing dolls or with stuffed animals and she would "make-believe" I was her mommy...and giggle or laugh every time she called me it, but made sure to tell me it was just a game. She wanted to test it out, but wasn't ready to commit.
"Dennae" she would say, "yes, daughter" "You can be my mommy yesterday (she mixes up yesterday and tomorrow)" I would gently explain that I already am her mommy, just like God wants to be our father, whether we realize it or not.
Our entire first month and a half was like this. I knew Mya desperately wanted a mommy, she longed to call me mommy and longed to belong to me. She would desperately want me to hold her, but would resist asking me with every bone in her body. I could see the turmoil within her.
Then, on Mother's Day, Mya started calling me "Mommy" and instantly began acting like I was her mommy. The transformation in her heart was beautiful. Vermon and I often say, that she has become more beautiful in the last few months...as she realizes this is forever, as she realizes she belongs to someone, as she learns her new identity as a "Pierre", she smiles more and more.
Now...only two months later, I can't even go into the bathroom without Mya wanting to follow me in. Several times a day, Mya runs up to me, kisses me, and says, "You're the best Mommy in the WHOLE world." When she's in time out, now she argues, "But Mommy, I need you to be with me. But Mommy, I won't be able to see you!"
I love hearing Niko and Mya call me "mommy". I can't hear it enough. I never thought I would like the sound so much. It has been such a lesson in how I pray to the Lord. How overjoyed God must be to hear his little children call him "Abba (daddy)" Father.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Praising God...
There have been countless moments of joy over the last two months as I have become a mother. Getting to know Niko and Mya have been life changing and it has been such a sweet time in Vermon and my lives.
We just got back from La Jolla in which we were able to spend a wonderful week on the beach with the kids (ah..gone are the days of reading 5 or 6 books on our weekend getaways :)).
This is a picture of Mya on the beach. There was a good half hour where Mya just sang at the top of her lungs praise songs to God, "God, you're the lover of my soul" or "God, you're so nice! God you made us! God we neeeeeeeeeed you." It didn't matter who walked by...Mya just sang as loud as she could. Sometimes it was while making sand castles, sometimes with her hands in the air just gazing out into the ocean.
Childlike faith. I wonder at what age she will become too self conscious to do that. What age did I become too self aware of others to determine when and where I praised the Lord so publicly? How glorious heaven will be when all of creation screams to the Lord in worship with no fear of man!
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5: 1-4
Monday, May 04, 2009
Family Like No Other Family
It has been almost a month since Niko and Mya have moved in with us full time. It has been such a wonderful, blessed time. I knew that fostering/adopting would be full of joy, but I had no idea just how much fun it would be and just how much the Lord would grow my heart to love overnight.
Since January when we started down this road of becoming parents, it has been filled with one blessing after another. The greatest blessing from God has been our church family and I just want to brag a little bit about them...
In order to have Niko and Mya live with us, we needed a 3 bedroom home. We had put an offer on a home/gone under contract with a bank the same week that we decided to move forward with having Niko and Mya move in with us. We were supposed to close at the end of February and have the kids move in sometime in March, but needless to say, nothing ever goes as planned.
Buying a foreclosed home turned out to be a nightmare. As of March, we found out it could be June until we moved into this home. By this point, Niko and Mya had been spending every weekend with us and we were already committed to being their "mommy and daddy." It was such a trial and so frustrating to try to figure out why this was happening and how we could get them to live with us as quick as possible.
As we asked those around us to pray, a couple in our church offered to switch houses with us. They had a 3 bedroom home just down the street. Within two weeks of joking about it, we were packed and ready to move. These were brothers and sisters in Christ we had just met and here they were just giving us their home. They packed up everything they owned in two weeks and swapped houses.
We moved four days before we had the kids move in with us full time. So many people showed up from church to help us move that both of our homes were completely moved in under two hours. After that, about ten women stayed and helped me unpack and put everything in the entire house away. By the time the weekend was over, we were moved in and ready for the licensing company to inspect our new home Monday morning.
It was a whirlwind and one of the most amazing things I have been a part of. To be on the receiving end of such a beautiful example of Christ-centered community moved me beyond words. I was able to go to work and tell all my co-workers about this great act of love.
Another sister from church gave me her car for nine months. Vermon and I had been happily sharing one car, but she was given a company car to drive back and forth to work in and wasn't using hers during the week. Instead of just letting it sit in her garage all week like most people would have (probably even me before all this), she gave it to me to use (and she kept paying her own insurance).
Other church family have instantly adopted Niko and Mya into their own families...seeing no distinction between their "biological" nieces and nephews and Niko and Mya. Others showed up our first three weeks to give us meals. Someone else arranged for firefighters to drop off bikes at our house for the kids. Others helped so much this first month as I have tried to finish out my work commitment/ late schedule with watching Niko and Mya, housekeeping, helping Vermon with some of his church commitments, and the list could go on and on…almost all of this happened without Vermon or I asking or suggesting this.
It has been a great illustration in our children’s lives as we talk with them about how nothing we have belongs to us, but it all belongs to God. We then talk about the many, many friends we have who have shown this to us. We talk about what it means to live life as though we had nothing, yet we have been richly blessed with everything. We tell them that we have more riches then we could ever hope for or imagine and all of this belongs to God and his purposes.
Recently, we were at the park and a homeless man approached us for money, I offered him one of our sandwiches instead and after he left Niko eagerly said, “but mommy…our money belongs to God, not you…shouldn’t you give him some, like Faith and Ryan gave us their house?”
Since January when we started down this road of becoming parents, it has been filled with one blessing after another. The greatest blessing from God has been our church family and I just want to brag a little bit about them...
In order to have Niko and Mya live with us, we needed a 3 bedroom home. We had put an offer on a home/gone under contract with a bank the same week that we decided to move forward with having Niko and Mya move in with us. We were supposed to close at the end of February and have the kids move in sometime in March, but needless to say, nothing ever goes as planned.
Buying a foreclosed home turned out to be a nightmare. As of March, we found out it could be June until we moved into this home. By this point, Niko and Mya had been spending every weekend with us and we were already committed to being their "mommy and daddy." It was such a trial and so frustrating to try to figure out why this was happening and how we could get them to live with us as quick as possible.
As we asked those around us to pray, a couple in our church offered to switch houses with us. They had a 3 bedroom home just down the street. Within two weeks of joking about it, we were packed and ready to move. These were brothers and sisters in Christ we had just met and here they were just giving us their home. They packed up everything they owned in two weeks and swapped houses.
We moved four days before we had the kids move in with us full time. So many people showed up from church to help us move that both of our homes were completely moved in under two hours. After that, about ten women stayed and helped me unpack and put everything in the entire house away. By the time the weekend was over, we were moved in and ready for the licensing company to inspect our new home Monday morning.
It was a whirlwind and one of the most amazing things I have been a part of. To be on the receiving end of such a beautiful example of Christ-centered community moved me beyond words. I was able to go to work and tell all my co-workers about this great act of love.
Another sister from church gave me her car for nine months. Vermon and I had been happily sharing one car, but she was given a company car to drive back and forth to work in and wasn't using hers during the week. Instead of just letting it sit in her garage all week like most people would have (probably even me before all this), she gave it to me to use (and she kept paying her own insurance).
Other church family have instantly adopted Niko and Mya into their own families...seeing no distinction between their "biological" nieces and nephews and Niko and Mya. Others showed up our first three weeks to give us meals. Someone else arranged for firefighters to drop off bikes at our house for the kids. Others helped so much this first month as I have tried to finish out my work commitment/ late schedule with watching Niko and Mya, housekeeping, helping Vermon with some of his church commitments, and the list could go on and on…almost all of this happened without Vermon or I asking or suggesting this.
It has been a great illustration in our children’s lives as we talk with them about how nothing we have belongs to us, but it all belongs to God. We then talk about the many, many friends we have who have shown this to us. We talk about what it means to live life as though we had nothing, yet we have been richly blessed with everything. We tell them that we have more riches then we could ever hope for or imagine and all of this belongs to God and his purposes.
Recently, we were at the park and a homeless man approached us for money, I offered him one of our sandwiches instead and after he left Niko eagerly said, “but mommy…our money belongs to God, not you…shouldn’t you give him some, like Faith and Ryan gave us their house?”
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
