Things you should never say to a family who has adopted children #5 & #6

5. You’re a saint. I could never go through the pain of a child returning to the birth family or hearing their stories of abuse.

Foster parents aren't saint, I promise. When people allude to the fact that there is something “tough” about foster parents for being able to “handle” the stories of abuse, it just makes me think that they don’t have any close friends who are foster parents. The kids who don’t get to be adopted, especially when they are returning to unsafe homes—breaks the hearts of foster parents. We aren’t tough. It rips our hearts out, but the pain of a grown, healthy adult who fosters is nothing compared to an abused child having no where to live and no where to be safe. This statement says that it is better to protect your own heart and life from pain then to alleviate the pain and suffering of an innocent, abused child. This is not the gospel we have been called to and I'm sure if we each really thought about it, would admit its better to risk our own pain then to let an abused child have no home to live in.

6. God’s given you a special call

Okay, this is my least favorite statement. I wasn’t “called” to adopt or foster children any more or less then every other Christian I know. Again, read above verses…God's word is filled with a command to care for orphans and the poor and the New Testament gives a beautiful example of God adopting us into his family--we are all called to care for the orphans. There are exceptions, if you have marital issues that need to be worked on, don’t want any children, or have legitimate reasons for not being able to, then that is fine. No one should do it out of guilt or obligation. But healthy, loving families who like children should be actively involved in supporting adoptions and fostering.

There are at least 5 churches that have more members in them then Arizona has kids in the foster system waiting for placement. We have no excuse. If we believe in caring for life and abortions ending, then it makes sense to start with caring for the orphans we have already.

Instead of thinking of these families who adopt as “selfless” and “special”—just think of them as normal. If couples don’t have to pray to make sure God wanted them to get pregnant in the first place…then why do couples need to be “called” to adopt? I never hear Christians say, “God called me to get pregnant.” Too often we think/pray for God to “open the door” for us if he wants us to adopt. More of us should pray, “God, I know you’ve called us to care for the orphans and it would be an honor to do this! Please let me be one who gets to serve in such a great way! I’m going to start taking action toward this and if you don’t want it to happen, close the door.”