3. Do they have the same fathers? or Are they siblings?
There are certain close friends (especially those who understand and support adoption) that I may chose to discuss this with. However, this is can be an inappropriate question to ask a family for several reasons.
1. If Vermon and I have adopted them—then OF COURSE they have the same mother and father.
2. This question again goes back to DNA and really doesn’t matter—if they really are biologically half siblings, does that make any difference since they were raised together from birth? Do you think their little minds process that they are “half siblings?” Of course not! In fact, Niko and Mya have a “biological” 2 year old brother and whenever I say that this little boy is their brother Niko quickly corrects me that he is their cousin. He always tells me, “Mom, his parents are my auntie and uncle—he can’t be my brother!”
3. The answer very well may give you a bad opinion of the birth mother and my children may not want you to know the answer to that. Their life story belongs to them and how they chose to share it will be up to each one individually. Would you randomly ask a single mom if her three children all have the same father? If you wouldn’t ask an adult a question about their life because it might be embarrassing or hurtful for them, then it probably isn’t an appropriate question to ask about my children (since they will be adults too at some point).
4.“You know what I mean”
Whenever someone says some of the above things to me and I explain to someone that Niko and Mya are children of my own and that I would have been happy only adopting…this is always the response I get.
My answer to this statement is almost always, “no, I don’t know what you mean.” A better way to respond is, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have worded it that way." :)
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1 comment:
Amen!
Children need to be treated with respect, dignity, and honor, just like any other human being or adult.
I really like how you pointed out that someone wouldn't ask a mother if all of her children have the same biological father . . . this would be very inappropriate, rude, and disrespectful.
My little sister who was adopted used to tell people(when she was like 3-5 years old); "I am special because I have 3 daddy's; God, my birth dad, and my dad" . . . she came up with this all on her own. Good job Denae for looking out for the psychosocial and emotional needs of your children. Keep up the good and hard work!
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