one year older...

I said I would never do it, but I did it. I always said only old people wore them and I always wanted to be young at heart, but I am wearing one as I type. Confession...I bought my first watch last week.

I have had them given to me as gifts before, but I have never really gotten in the habbit of wearing one. I remember when I was a kid watching my grandpa take his gold pocket watch out of his coat and checking the time and ever since then I always thought that watches were something grown-ups wore. I remember wanting a watch thinking it would mark me as an "adult" but by the time I was old enough to actually wear one, I think they were out of style. So, up until now, I have claimed that watches were for old people. I have always felt like watches were symbols of being in a hurry, just watching life pass you by. I am not someone who is late to everything, I admit that time is important, but something about actually wearing a watch, constantly looking down to check the time...it has just been something I never wanted to do.

So purchasing and wearing a watch all week was a strange experience. I kind of felt like I was looking in the mirror and finding a few grey hairs or something. I told a friend of mine that is in her 30's that I just don't feel like a grown up...she said she didn't either. So I tried talking to my friend in his 40's...he agreed, at 40, he still felt like he had so much growing to do. My dad is 50...he still feels young, my grandpa is...I don't know how old, but he is younger at heart then I am sometimes. It was just a weird moment to look down at the time and realize, that I was doing just that...watching time tick by and that I really am getting older. (I know this probably sounds a little melodramatic, especially considering how young most of you think I am! ha ha..)

This past year has gone by in lightning speed, yet each moment I feel like I have been able to savor. There were so many times last week, as I stood in the middle of God's breath-taking, incredible creation, that I felt like time stood still. It was as if life was on pause and all that mattered was God's glory and creative heart. But even in those moments where life was on pause for me, I had a greater revelation that time was moving full force and many lives were feeling controlled and abused by it. That all that really does matter is God's glory and heart, but I am surrounded by a world that doesn't really understand or know that. It doesn't matter how slow or fast I feel time may be ticking away, the fact is that time is always in constant motion and there really is so little time to reach the hearts of a hopeless world. I just want to live my life with an urgancy...no matter how young or old I am.

All that being said, I guess the watch has a new symbolic meaning to me...instead of being something that seems to controll life, it is now just a subtle reminder that I am here for a purpose and I need to surrender each moment of my life into God's hands and use it to love him and this world...

"Time is too slow for those who wait

too swift for those who fear

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love, time is eternity.

Hours fly, flowers die,

new days, new ways pass by,

Love stays."

~Henry Van Dyke