Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 2

Whose Your Daddy?

If you are a Christian, then you are adopted by God. Have you ever stopped to think about who your biological father is?

The Devil. Yes, the devil is your birth father. An evil, abusive father whom you were enslaved to.

Check out these verses and look how Scripture talks about the unbeliever:

Acts 14:4-12

1 John 3:1-10

Hebrews 2:14-18

My point here is NOT to compare bio family to Satan. My point is that it is important for YOU to understand who your biological family was. You were born a slave to sin. Your thoughts, actions, and words were full of deceit, selfishness, lust, greed, and pride. When God looked at you, all he saw was a man or woman in total rebellion to him, partnering with Satan gearing up to plot an attack against himself and everything that is good, righteous, and holy.

1 Corinthians 6:11 lists a long list of terrible, wicked things and then says to the believers in the church, “and so were some of you!”

The moment you water down who you were before Christ, if you forget how wicked and unholy you really were, then the gospel begins to slip through your fingers. It is only in understanding how wicked you really were, how deserving of death and destruction you were, that you can begin to worship and praise God for his great grace in your life. If you truly believe that you deserved God’s wrath and judgment for your sin and that there was NOTHING you could do to earn his favor, NOTHING you could do to make yourself right in his eyes, then you can really accept that it is ONLY through Christ the God becoming man, suffering the punishment of our sins, that you are now a child of God.

You are not just forgiven. You are not just pardoned. That would have been gracious of God to stop there. But he didn’t. He then adopted you and made you his child. He became your father, your “Abba.” (Hebrew word for daddy)

SO, how does this relate to how we think and speak of adoption?

IF you understand your adoption by God and who your biological family was, then these words should not come out of your mouth (all of which I have heard too many times from Christian families):

“I have considered adoption, but what if the gene to be abusive/drug addicted/ alcohol addicted is in the baby I adopt? That would be too hard for me.”

“I’m afraid I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t [biologically] mine or a child that doesn’t look like me.”

“My child has all these attachment issues and it isn’t my fault…” (then the person usually goes on to explain all the issues that happened in the first few years of their life) side note: I have never met a child with special needs whose biological parent takes the time to explain biologically why their child has down syndrome, ADHD, and sensory problems.

“God just didn’t give me a heart for adoption.”

“We have no choice but to ship off our teen [who was adopted at birth] to some camp a few states away because they are causing too many problems, but it isn’t how we parented them—its because of their birth family’s issues…” another side note: I know several families who have had to send their biological children to similar places they sometimes take responsibility for what they did or simply say, “I have no idea why they ended up this way” they don’t blame it on something from their past.

“My child is disobedient, disrespectful, etc, because they were adopted. We’re just going to love them through it.”

Let’s pretend for a minute that God spoke the same way about us. Here is what he would say (fill your name in blank):

“_________is disobedient, disrespectful, etc, because they used to be a son of the devil. It’s ok though, I understand and will just ignore it and love him through it.”

Please understand that I am not trying to minimize some issues that your child may have as a result of abuse or trauma. I know it is real. When I was a social worker, I worked with hundreds of children who had very real struggles because of evil things that were done to them. A parent watching their child suffer over past hurts and wounds has real, deep pain. I weep over it as many adoptive parents do.

What I am trying to do is encourage us to stop speaking so negatively about children who are adopted as permanently wounded soldiers and to encourage you to reject false assumptions that a child you adopt will never be the same as a child you birth.

It is not true for us and our biological father was more evil and abusive then anything we could imagine. We were brainwashed, enslaved to the price of darkness…

BUT GOD…

Meditate on Ephesians 2:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 1

Vermon and I are often asked how it is that our children were able to attach so quickly to our family. People also comment on how “lucky” we are that our children do not have any attachment disorders.

It would be dishonest to say that the relationship we have with Marcel and Mya now is the same that it was a year and a half ago. It did take time to attach and there were difficult moments, tears shed, and much prayer; however, all in all, our path of becoming a close family unit has been smooth, full of blessing, and fun.

I do not dismiss the fact that there are children who have attachment disorders, RAD, and issues related to drug exposure that may make the attachment process take longer. I also do not claim to be an expert on parenting or that we have done everything right. I am brought to tears as I think and praise the Lord for his GREAT grace in knitting our family together in the way that he has in such a short period of time. However, I do believe that the single best advice I can give to ANY parent who wants to know how to attach with their child whom they have adopted is to FIRST and FOREMOST understand YOUR adoption. If you do not understand YOUR ADOPTION by God through Christ Jesus then

do not adopt.

Yes, I said it. Do not adopt children unless you have first and foremost begun to think, meditate, study God’s word, and pray about the theology of YOUR ADOPTION by God. Many of the horror stories that the media portrays about adoption (or your friends tell you) come from the adoptive families not fully understanding God’s adoption of his people.

Over the next few posts I would like to explore different aspects of OUR ADOPTION by God and look at how the theology of adoption should then shape our thoughts about our family, our family values, and how we think and speak about our children.

Resources for Teaching Your Kids God's Word

I love teaching and reading to my kids and my favorite topic to teach them about is the Bible. God's word was such an anchor for me during my childhood and my dad's consistent, faithful teaching of scripture helped to ground me through many difficult seasons.

I want God’s word filling the hearts and minds of Marcel, Mya, and Judah. I know that scripture contains pages and pages of guidance on wise living. I know that they will find deep joy as they learn who God is through understanding what scripture has to say about him. Most importantly, I know that they can travel through 6000 (+ or -) years of human history as they discover God’s great plan to save a people to himself through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

In the last year and a half of having the wonderful privilege of being a mom…we’ve collected some great books and CD’s that our kids beg us to read or listen to (and we find them quite enjoyable too!) Some of them we have read so many times, Mya can finish the sentences or say them verbatim. Often, Marcel is able to tell us what scripture has to say about a particular issue. I feel so blessed to have the money to spend on books and to live in a country and time in history where they are so readily available!

So if I could give every parent a selection from our children’s library…here are my favorite picks:

#1) The Jesus Storybook Bible

Age level: all ages

This is the best children’s Bible out there. Unfortunately, so much of children’s bible stories moralize Christianity and make the hero and point of the story someone other then God (but that is another blog post for another time). Every story in the Jesus Storybook Bible points toward the overall theme of scripture that Jesus is coming to rescue us from ourselves and it is all a part of God’s great plan. The art is wonderful and creative too.

#2) The Jesus Storybook Bible: Audio CD

The man who reads the Jesus Storybook Bible does such a great job and the kids eat it up. They love to draw pictures of Bible stories while listening to him read the stories. It

#2) Big Truths for Little Kids: Teaching Your Children to Live For God

Age level: preschool-5th grade

We do this with our devotions every morning while eating breakfast. It often leads to great conversations as we drive to school. The book rewords a traditional catechism into kid-language and each story teaches the children about 5 or 6 of the 104 questions. The kids are motivated to memorize all the questions and answers because we don’t read the next story until they have memorized the other questions.

#3) Genesis: A Commentary for Children

Age level: 3rd grade-adult

Marcel and I are currently studying Genesis together and this commentary is a wonderful resource! The author knows how to write for children. Her words are beautiful, descriptive, and biblically accurate. It has been a fun way to introduce tools (like commentaries) for Bible study to Marcel. There are also commentaries for Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy—but we have not gotten to those yet.

#4) Seeds Family Worship Audio CDs

Age level: preschool-3rd grade

These songs get stuck in my head and the tunes aren’t the hippest, but the words are strait up scripture and what better repetitive children’s music to have stuck in your head then scripture? Our children really enjoy them and it has been fun to talk with them about the scripture they are memorizing means.

#5) The ESV Illustrated Family Bible

Age level: 3rd grade reading level

When Marcel first began to excel in reading this Bible was a great way to get him in the habit of having daily quiet times with the Lord. It picks 270 important passages of scripture and adds some great illustrations. Marcel read through it about 3 times and spent just as much time reading the passages of scripture as he did staring at the details of the drawings. We felt it was important to introduce him to an adult version of the Bible and get him used to the vocabulary that he would not see in a children’s Bible. He often had to stop to ask me to explain different words he was reading, but never had a hard time understanding the basic storyline. He has recently decided to “move on” to a full adult Bible for his quiet times, but I think this was an important transition to understand that what we are reading in children’s Bibles are versions of the Bible stories…but not the actual words of the Bible themselves.

"Marks of the Messanger: Knowing, Living, and Speaking the Gospel" by J. Mack Stiles

This book brought me to tears and gave me a chilling awareness of how little I share the gospel. It brought me to my knees in repentance. It was not a guilt tripping evangelism book that left me feeling like I need to "try harder" or "do better". Rather, the author paints such a glorious picture of the gospel and our high calling to be apart of gospel work, that I finished each chapter with an urgency to know and live the gospel in a fuller and more vibrant way.

Read this book several times and find a friend to read and discuss it with!

Scandalous: The Cross and Resurrection of Jesus by D A Carson

Scandalous consists of 5 chapters in which Carson goes through a different passage of scriptures and digs through them, pulling out deep truths about Christ, the cross, our battle against Satan's rage, and the resurrection. Each chapter is full of rich biblical and theological thought that kept my mind racing as I attempted to digest it.

Not only is the book a wonderful read because of the topic, but if you pay attention, the chapters are also a tutorial on how to read your Bible. Carson is one of those voices that I like my mind and heart to have a steady diet of because I grow in understanding how to read scripture. Paying attention to how Carson exegetes scripture will teach you how to read your Bible and put it together. I highly recommend any of his writings (or sermons) and if you are new to Carson, this is a great book to start with.

Why Can't We Just Read the Bible- An Interview with D A Carson

Check out this great interview with Carson! Carson does a great job of explaining our need to understand theology and God's word.

However, I am hesitant to post this article because I disagree with what he says about not being able to read when you have young children (I never thought I would disagree with Carson!). It is true that being a mother of 3 will zap you, but I think it is only through reading large amounts of Scripture (and growing in our understanding of biblical theology through other reading) that you can survive it and have the fruit of the Spirit necessary to teach your children about Jesus and love them like Jesus.

I guess that is where mothers need to rely on their husbands and Christian community for help so that they can find the time to read. If we really take seriously our call of mothering--then there is no other time quite like now, while our children are young, that we need our sword sharp, ready to battle. We can't just "survive" our children, but we must be spiritually fit as we lead them into the battle that is waging against their soul. One of the greatest ways to be fit is through regular, consistent reading of the word.

So moms, please read this as an encouragement to further and deepen your knowledge and love of scripture. And ignore the few sentences that might tempt you to excuse this season as an "off" season...and if you want to drop your kids off at my house so you can go read for a few hours at the sbux across the street...just holla. :)

4 things that happened in the courtroom that gave me chills

1. The judge explaining that the children were no longer wards of the state, but now belonged to us. I was reminded that I was once a ward of this world and a slave to sin, but now I belong to Christ. (Gal. 3:29)

2. The judge explained that the children’s names would no longer be _____ and ____, but were now Mya Hope Pierre and Marcel Vermon Pierre. I was reminded that when I became God's child all the old things passed away and I was made new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

3. Having a room full of family to celebrate the adoption! It reminded me that upon becoming part of God’s family I was welcomed by countless brothers and sisters from every tribe, tongue, and language who will spend eternity as my brothers and sisters worshiping God forever. (Revelation 7:9-12)

4. The relief that for the rest of my life, I will be Marcel and Mya’s mommy. Nothing can change that. I will never relinquish my legal right as their mother. And I will never relinquish my love for them. This made me think that there is nothing that can separate me from God’s great love and that I can have great hope in knowing I am his child. (Romans 8:38-39)