one year older...

I said I would never do it, but I did it. I always said only old people wore them and I always wanted to be young at heart, but I am wearing one as I type. Confession...I bought my first watch last week.

I have had them given to me as gifts before, but I have never really gotten in the habbit of wearing one. I remember when I was a kid watching my grandpa take his gold pocket watch out of his coat and checking the time and ever since then I always thought that watches were something grown-ups wore. I remember wanting a watch thinking it would mark me as an "adult" but by the time I was old enough to actually wear one, I think they were out of style. So, up until now, I have claimed that watches were for old people. I have always felt like watches were symbols of being in a hurry, just watching life pass you by. I am not someone who is late to everything, I admit that time is important, but something about actually wearing a watch, constantly looking down to check the time...it has just been something I never wanted to do.

So purchasing and wearing a watch all week was a strange experience. I kind of felt like I was looking in the mirror and finding a few grey hairs or something. I told a friend of mine that is in her 30's that I just don't feel like a grown up...she said she didn't either. So I tried talking to my friend in his 40's...he agreed, at 40, he still felt like he had so much growing to do. My dad is 50...he still feels young, my grandpa is...I don't know how old, but he is younger at heart then I am sometimes. It was just a weird moment to look down at the time and realize, that I was doing just that...watching time tick by and that I really am getting older. (I know this probably sounds a little melodramatic, especially considering how young most of you think I am! ha ha..)

This past year has gone by in lightning speed, yet each moment I feel like I have been able to savor. There were so many times last week, as I stood in the middle of God's breath-taking, incredible creation, that I felt like time stood still. It was as if life was on pause and all that mattered was God's glory and creative heart. But even in those moments where life was on pause for me, I had a greater revelation that time was moving full force and many lives were feeling controlled and abused by it. That all that really does matter is God's glory and heart, but I am surrounded by a world that doesn't really understand or know that. It doesn't matter how slow or fast I feel time may be ticking away, the fact is that time is always in constant motion and there really is so little time to reach the hearts of a hopeless world. I just want to live my life with an urgancy...no matter how young or old I am.

All that being said, I guess the watch has a new symbolic meaning to me...instead of being something that seems to controll life, it is now just a subtle reminder that I am here for a purpose and I need to surrender each moment of my life into God's hands and use it to love him and this world...

"Time is too slow for those who wait

too swift for those who fear

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love, time is eternity.

Hours fly, flowers die,

new days, new ways pass by,

Love stays."

~Henry Van Dyke

home sweet home...

I am back in Arizona. My cousin, Allison, was home for a few weeks visiting, but she was flying back to Mexico a few hours before I flew into Phoenix, so I was not going to be able to see her. So I was able to fly in early and showed up at Starbucks last night to surprise my two girls. :) Our time was too short and went by too fast, but we sat around and shared stories, laughed, prayed and cried together. I am so proud of the direction both of them are headed.

Lauren is graduating next week...I still haven't gotten used to the fact that she is old enough to drive and now she is packing up her bags and driving a cross the country for college (Gordon College). Allison is finnishing up the year in Mexico and then returning to Phoenix to finish her nursing degree. As I sat at the table with them last night and listened to them pour out their hearts, I was just slightly taken a back. They aren't my little sisters anymore needing my advice and protection...they are my partners in crime and this faith in action thing is so much easier when you have two kindred hearts to share it with.

some of our boys....

Meaghan's Blog...

I just read something in Meaghan's last post that started the wheels turning in my head. She was commenting about her thoughts from the book she is reading and how the holy spirit is stirring a passion within her for justice, truth, and love. She was talking about starting a breakfast club in San Francisco and targeting unreached areas. You can read her post here: http://citilove.blogspot.com/2006/04/tuesday.html
I am not sure if I have posted about this scripture before (its possible because I love it so much), but as I read her post it immediately brought my mind to Matthew, chapter 9...the feeding of the five thousand... this might be one of my favorite chapters in the Gospel, because every time I read it I am so moved by the heart of Christ.

Starting in verse 10, Jesus finds out that John, his cousin, friend, the man who baptized him, had been beheaded. He was probably emotionally, physically, and spiritually exaughstead...in Luke the same account talks about how the disciples had just been running non-stop healing people and preaching the gospel. They were tired and they were mourning so Jesus goes to a deserted place to get away, to be alone with his heavenly Father...but the multitudes followed him.

His response in verse 14 is so selfless and makes me fall deeper in love with him every time I read it, "and when he saw a great multitude, he was moved with compassion."

I think that is a place where Christ wants all of us to come...where we can open our eyes, wherever we are, and see the great multitude. His flesh was weak and tired, but his spiritual eyes were still so in tune to the heart of His father and when he looked, he saw thousands and thousands of people who "were like a sheep without a shepherd"...lost. (mark 6:34)

Then...when Jesus sees they are hungry, tells the disciples, "Don't send them away...You give them something to eat..." It is so interesting to me that Jesus didn't just perform the miracle, but he gave the disciples the command first...he wanted them to be the vessels that met the need. He could have easily just performed a miracle and feed the multitude, but I think he wanted to give the disciples the opportunity to do it first. 2000 years later, Jesus is saying the same thing to us..."Don't send them away, you give them something to eat."

Meaghan is living in San Francisco...and she is right, there are probably more food ministries there then anywhere else in the country, but there is still a deep need that is not being met. Are we going to continue to plop some food on these hurting, broken peoples plates and send them away? Or are we going to really give them something to eat...something that once they taste, they will never hunger or thirst again? Justice comes in meeting the physical need out of a deep compassion for their soul...a compassion that produces and action to see those sheep find their shepherd.

lonely...feeling so lonely... :)

Over the last two weeks we have been making trips to the airport to drop off our team...everyone is headed back to the states.

The last three months of working with my team has been such an incredible experience. I had no idea when I came here that I would have such an awesome group of friends to spend my first three months with...God blessed me so much. They have become like family and I am very thankful for the time I had here with them...I would go anywhere in the world with this team. God brought some amazing, life-long friends into my life who have encouraged me in so many ways.

I think my favorite part about our team was watching how God brought such different people together and knit our hearts so we could really work as one. We came to Tanzania on the same day from 7 different places... Arizona, San Fransisco, Detroit, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Wisconnsin, and Louisiana. Each one of the seven of us were so different in personality, culture, future plans, and backgrounds, but we all shared a common love for Jesus and had a desire to see God work in and through us.

About a month into being here, we each took leadership of a different area of ministry, but still worked as a team to do each thing. As I look back on everything I am in awe of all that God did...here are some highlights...

1. Becky-

Becky organized all of our hospital ministry. We went into the local hospital and visited and prayed with different paitents. Every time I went to the hospitals God did something in my heart...especially when we went to the children's ward.

I wish I could put into words what I saw with my eyes during one of those visits. I realized in an entirely new way how God's heart must break everytime he sees what has happened as a result of man's decision to break relationship with Him. God knows the physical pain that those children, literally dying in those beds, are feeling and he knows the emotional pain that the mothers are feeling as they cry out to Him for a miracle... God created this world to be so perfect, but it has been so corrupted by sin. And then God has offered his Son to reconcile and make all broken things whole, but we still chose to live a part from Him. Being in those rooms taught me so much about the heart of God and really opened up an entirely new attributes that I never realized or noticed about my God to fall in love with.

2. John-

John organized all of our village ministry/outreaches. We spent a few days camping out in a Masai village. That was such a great time. We also did a children's outreach in the Njoro area (I cannot wait to show you all some pictures from that, it was great.) and evangelism in two different villages on thursday nights.

3. Meaghan
Meaghan ran all the drama (and caused it all too...ha ha, just joking Meggie Mapes) I could say so much about Meaghan, she is so talented and gifted. I am sure that the boys at the Emmanuel Center will never forget the time we spent there. They loved the dramas that Meaghan came up with and they did such a great job performing them. Some of them were involved in a drama we did as an outreach and they were all a part of "Daniel and the Lion's Den." My absolute favorite thing I have done since I have been here has been hanging out at the Emmanuel center with those boys.

4. Heather-

Heather was in charge of worship and helped Meaghan with drama. We went to the Emmanuel Center every week and taught the boys songs and dramas. It was so much fun for us and the boys at the center absolutely loved it.

5. Christian
Christian organized the ministry we did in the elementary schools. We went to sevearl schools a week (I have some pictures in a previous post) and we did Bible lessons, dramas, object illustrations, and songs with the kids. It was so much fun and this was probably where our team spent the most time...between this and the high schools. (I organized the ministry we did with the high schools. We had so many awesome opportunities to speak to hundereds of high school students about all of our testimonies and what God has done in our lives).

6. Scott--

Scott organized an International English Fellowship. I did not realize before I came here how many college student age people would be here from all over the world. There were many Europeans here serving on their gap year, interning in the hospitals, and volunteering with different orginazations. There were also several Peace Corps volunteers. We met once a week for a bible study/fellowship time and I know that God definitely moved on hearts. If I were living here full time, this would definitely be something I would want to do. It is a huge opportunity to reach people from all over the world who have never really tasted authentic Christianity.

in Kenya...

I am in Nirobe, Kenya right now. My visa expired in Tanzania...so that was a good excuse for a road-trip to Kenya so I can stay one more month in Tanzania. I am in a little bit of culture shock being here. In many ways, I feel like I am back in an American city. There are coffee shops (I had my first cup of coffe in 3 months two days ago...it was wonderful!), malls, book stores, lots of trafic, and almost everyone speaks English. Life here is very different from the life I have been living back in Moshi. I found myself yesterday just looking around the city and seeing all the business taking place and thinking, "this is such a wealthy city."

But that is far from the reality. One of the largest slums in the world is right in my backyard here in Nirobe...over one million people live in this slum. There are thousands of street children, orphans, and aids victums here...but, because of everything else I am looking at, it is easy to not think about it. Thinking about all of this made me realize how I can do this so easily in the spitirual realm. How often do I walk through life distracted by the initial impression of wealth and suceess, failing to see the pain and death right behind me? It is a choice humanity makes. We choose to ignore the pain and suffering and focus on what looks good and pretty.

Matthew 24 comes to mind, where Jesus tells his disciples to "Stay Awake"...because they wouldn't know the day or hour he was coming. I can almost hear the urgency in Jesus voice as he passionately compels the disciples not to waste time sleeping...there is a dying world out there that needs the truth.