Things you should never say to a family who has adopted children #7 & #8

7.Racial Stereotypes

Please avoid stating any racial stereotypes you may have about my children or any other child. I have friends who have fostered or adopted children from many other races (Hispanic, Caucasian, etc) and all of them have stories of things people have said that would (hopefully) make your mouth drop open. Just apply the “if-you-wouldn’t-say-it-to-an-adult” rule…if you wouldn’t say something to my husband about black people, don’t say it to me about my kids.

The one I hear most often has to do with the assumption that black or Hispanic families are more likely to have their children in foster care (under that statement lies an assumption that black/Hispanic families are worse parents then Caucasian families). The fact is a majority of the children who enter the system in Arizona are Caucasian; however, most foster and adoptive families will only take white kids/won’t take minorities—that is why there are so many minority children waiting for adoption.

8.“Is it because of the drugs?”

I haven’t had this said to me, but several of my friends have. When their toddler is running all over the place or doing something that seems a little different then the “average” child, sometimes well meaning people ask if it is because the child was exposed to drugs in the womb. It would be the same as me walking up to you during your 2-year old's screaming tantrum and saying, “your child is so abnormal, what on earth happened to them that made them so difficult?” Any parent would be taken aback to that statement.